Feeling frustrated by family

DEAR ANNIE » All my life, since I was a kid, I always got abuse, judgment and blame from my own family. Now, as an adult, I still get all of that. When I got divorced, my family thought it was their right to judge and blame me. And they cut me off like I didn’t exist. It’s like I did some terrible crime so they had to punish me. There have been so many family functions and gatherings over the last few years, but no one invited me, as though I didn’t matter. It was hard, but I tried to deal with it, and slowly moved on with my new normal.

Then, earlier this year, out of nowhere, my sister contacted me after so many years as if nothing happened. And she still seems to think that they did nothing wrong. And I have a hard time accepting what my sisters and brother did to me. So, I expressed to them that I was still upset about the way they treated me in the past — and then the attacks started. They said that the reason I was divorced was because I was so difficult.

Just to be clear, they were the ones who cut me off. I didn’t break my relations with them. But it looks like that is the only way they will accept me if I agree that it was all my fault, that I deserved to be cut off. How do I accept it? I am a human being and didn’t deserve such cruelty and punitive behaviors.

Please help me. Am I right to feel the way I do? Was it cruel for my family right to throw me out when they felt like it and then contact me again when they felt like it? I can fight the world, but I can’t figure out how to deal with my own family.

— Bewildered and Beleaguered by Family

DEAR BEWILDERED » Feelings are not right or wrong. They simply are. But your hurt feelings are certainly understandable. It sounds as though you’ve been hauling some heavy emotional baggage for a long time — far more than I can begin to unpack in the space of a column. I strongly encourage you to seek therapy, and if the first therapist you find isn’t a great fit, try another. With counseling, you can find peace within yourself, no matter what’s going on with your family.

DEAR ANNIE » You mentioned the great need for blood and plasma, but platelets and double reds are also in great need. My local Red Cross is open 365 days a year to collect these vital life-savers.

— Pete

DEAR PETE » I appreciate the important addendum. Platelets are essential in surviving and fighting cancer, chronic diseases and traumatic injuries. The American Red Cross says that every 15 seconds someone needs platelets. Because donated platelets must be used within five days, new donors are needed daily. Not all blood donation centers are capable of taking platelets. For more information, visit https://www.redcrossblood. org; from the website menu select “Donate Blood > Types of Blood Donations” and then click “Learn more about platelet donations.” Or call 1 (800) 733-2767.

DEAR ANNIE » With regard to the letter about TV dialogue: Very often the problem is that people have their TV set for “surround sound” audio as if they have multiple speakers when they only have the TV speakers. This causes the “background” track to be louder because the “voice track” is expected to be broadcast from its own speaker.

— Kate H.

DEAR KATE » This is another possible contributing factor to the problem. The exact troubleshooting instructions will depend on the TV manufacturer. For anyone unable to easily find these audio options in their TV settings menu, it’s worth reaching out to the manufacturer’s customer service line.

DEAR ANNIE » My daughter, “Emily,” has been dating “Ben” for almost two years. Ben is a great guy, aside from one issue that’s been bugging me: He refuses to drive anywhere and instead has my daughter drive him. He says it’s because a few years ago he was in a car accident and has been scared to drive since. (He was not hurt in the accident.) He has Emily drive him to and from work every day. Emily never complains about it, but it drives me insane because Emily and her kids were also in a car accident a few years back and suffer PTSD from that accident. Ben is aware of this, but doesn’t seem to get it. He thinks it’s no big deal for Emily to get over her fear while avoiding getting over his fear. I want to say something to him so badly, but I haven’t. And every time I say something to my daughter, she gets upset with me. How can I approach the situation without making it worse?

— Miffed Mom

DEAR MIFFED » Your intentions are good, and your irritation is understandable. But Emily is the one behind the wheel, figuratively and literally. When she’s tired of driving him, she can stop. Meanwhile, you can earn interest by keeping your two cents in the bank: If you avoid offering advice when your daughter hasn’t asked, she’ll be more likely to ask you for advice

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.