Fasting prayer for Lent

DEAR ANNIE » Recently, I came across this poem. I’ve seen it attributed to Pope Francis — not sure whether he actually said it. In any case, I thought you might share it with your readers. You don’t have to be Catholic to get something out of them.

“Do you want to fast this Lent?

“Fast from hurting words and say kind words.

“Fast from sadness and be filled with gratitude.

“Fast from anger and be filled with patience.

“Fast from pessimism and be filled with hope.

“Fast from worries and have trust in God.

“Fast from complaints and contemplate simplicity.

“Fast from pressures and be prayerful.

“Fast from bitterness and fill your heart with joy.

“Fast from selfishness and be compassionate to others.

“Fast from grudges and be reconciled.

“Fast from words and be silent so you can listen.”

— Gran

DEAR GRAN » That wisdom is certainly universal — and more needed than ever. Thanks for writing.

DEAR ANNIE » My sisters and I always took turns having the family Christmas at our respective houses. Six years ago, it was my turn to be the hostess. I was in the kitchen all morning cooking. As everyone arrived and was going through the buffet line, I noticed no one was taking much food. Some were not even getting a plate. I asked why my daughter wasn’t eating anything. She said she ate too much at my older sister’s earlier. I felt like a train hit me. My sister said she just “ended up” having a brunch at her house for whoever wanted to stop by to pick up extra gifts. It turns out that she had baked a ham, made several casseroles, prepared a big vegetable tray, salads and a few desserts. She had invited our entire family except my husband and me.

I was pretty upset and said, “Well if I’d known you were going to have something at noon, we would have just came to your house, too, and I wouldn’t have spent the time all morning cooking and preparing for everyone to come here.” She said, “Well, that’s why I didn’t tell you, because I knew you would be mad.”

She didn’t apologize and ended up leaving shortly after by going to get her and my brother-in-law’s coats and waving a Merry Christmas, saying they had to be somewhere and left. My Christmas was ruined.

All I can gather is that she moved into a condo earlier in the year and wanted to have everyone for Christmas. Had she asked me if she could’ve hosted Christmas, then I gladly would’ve let her.

Since then, I’ve hardly seen my sister. She started “forgetting” my birthdays. She still kept in touch with my daughters, and her husband and daughter have come to my house for get-togethers. But she always says she’s too busy.

I’d just like to know what you think about what happened. Was I being overly sensitive about the Christmas meal? Obviously, she never intends to apologize for the disaster, and I’m sure it’s too late now anyway. I just wonder what an outsider would think.

— Sidelined Sister

DEAR SIDELINED » Your sister might never apologize, but you can still forgive her. Do it for your own sake. Write a letter expressing how hurt you’ve been by her actions over the last six years. Then write another letter expressing how you love her anyway. Don’t mail either of them. Treat it as a therapeutic exercise, to process your feelings and air frustrations.

Then try reaching out to her. Express how you’ve felt sad that she hasn’t been in your life much these past few years and that you’d like to change that. Hopefully, that ice between you two will start to melt. You’re sisters, and it would be a sin to let one holiday meal ruin your relationship for the rest of your life.

DEAR ANNIE » I fell in love and lost track of myself. He broke my heart. I don’t know how to get a hold of myself again. He seems to just see me as a joke and just likes toying with me. He still always calls and texts. But also shames me for responding. What kind of way is that to act? What should I do?

— Dismissed

DEAR DISMISSED » This man sounds like a psychic vampire, and he won’t be satisfied until he sucks the life out of you. Bar him from your house, and block his number. At first, you might find it hard not to talk with him, but I promise that it will get easier with time — and you will look back on it as one of the best decisions of your life.

In the meantime, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1800-799-7233) anytime; their trained specialists are available 24/7/365 and they don’t just help survivors of physical abuse but also people who are experiencing emotional abuse, which it sounds like could be the case for you. Hang in there.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.