Legalize guns in schools? It’s one of those bear necessities

Frank Cerabino

News item: Betsy DeVos, the nominee for U.S. secretary of education, said at her confirmation hearing that it might be necessary to make guns legal in schools in order to respond to grizzly bear attacks.

When asked by U.S. Sen. Christopher Murphy if “guns have any place in or around our schools,” DeVos answered that guns may be needed to “protect from potential grizzlies.”

Last year, two Florida schools had close encounters with black bears.

In March, wildlife officers tranquilized and relocated a 260-pound bear that had climbed a tree on the grounds of an elementary school in Fort Myers. And five months later, another 150-pound black bear wandering a neighborhood near a Winter Garden elemen- Read Frank Cerabino’s recent columns online at tary school was trapped and relocated.

From: The Principal To: All Teachers and Staff Subject: Bear action plan As you may have heard, a new directive from the U.S. Department of Education has established the right for schools to have a loaded firearm on campus to neutral- ize bear attacks. And the state of Florida has subsequently authorized all public schools to purchase a designated bear gun and train teachers and staff how to properly respond to an ursine sighting on campus.

With that in mind, please see the attached BLAST (Bear Location And Slaughter Training) plan for all eligible teachers and staff at our school.

Once you have successfully completed the training course, you will be put on the schedule as the school’s BADASS (Bear Assault Defender And Sanc- tioned Shooter) of the Day.

I know many of you have voiced your unwillingness to participate in this program on a variety of grounds, including the necessity of choosing another school mascot.

But please be aware that state lawmakers may very well make your future merit raises contingent on your marksmanship scores.

As the day’s designated BADASS, you will check out and sign for the school’s AR-15 Bushmaster assault rifle and its