Wife wonders if counseling will help husband mature

Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I’m having a hard time deciding if I should forgive my husband or tell him enough is enough. In the year since our wedding, he became infatuated with one of my bridesmaids to the point of telling her — and me — that he loved her. He also f lirted with women online, lied to my face about it, and asked for and received nude pictures from a “friend” and an ex.

We have been in counseling for about a month now, but we’re moving soon, and I’m not sure I want to move with him, even though he now says he wants to fix things. We have a small child together, which affects my decision. What should I do? — Not Sure in New Hampshire

Dear Not Sure: It appears that the man you married was not mature enough to make that commitment. That the two of you are now in counseling and he wants to make things work is hopeful. However, considering what has been going on for the past year, I can understand your serious doubts. Because you already have a counselor helping you to work on your marriage, I think you should take your question to — and your cues from — the person with whom you are working.

Dear Abby: I am going to be a great-grandmother soon, and I’m very excited about it. I didn’t think I would live to experience this great joy. My beautiful granddaughter is not married to the baby’s father, but is a mature and loving person.

Although her immediate family is supportive, the extended family is not and refuses to acknowledge it. My sisters will call me and talk about anything and everything except my granddaughter and the baby that is coming. I don’t know what to make of their conduct. I feel like hanging up on them, or telling them off and being done with them.

They are never going to experience being greatgrandmothers themselves. Could they be jealous or angry that this happened? Please tell me how to handle it. Their health isn’t good, so if I cut them off, it could be forever. — Perplexed in Pennsylvania

Dear Perplexed: Your sisters could be jealous or angry, as you suspect. They could also be judgmental and trying to “punish” your granddaughter for being pregnant and unwed by ignoring her.

I don’t blame you for feeling angry, and possibly hurt, for the way they are behaving. You’re entitled. But the question you must answer for yourself is, would you be better off with or without those “sweethearts” in your life? Only you can answer that one.

Dear Abby: I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months, and for the first time, at 28, I can say I know what love is. Marriage is in the future, which brings me to my question. How and when do I tell him I was adopted? — East Coast Girl

Dear East Coast Girl: Frankly, I’m surprised this hasn’t already been discussed as part of your getting to know each other. You are acting like having been adopted is some kind of guilty secret, and it’s not. Tell your boyfriend in a quiet environment in which you can discuss it, so you can answer any questions he may ask you.