I offer chicken soup (and bananas) for the bicycle-rider’s soul

Frank Cerabino

Notes From Hell, Volume 98:

■ Dear Frank: “I don’t know who to turn to. I accidentally threw the paper away last week with the story about the woman who was arrested for throwing a pot of hot chicken soup at her husband, or some other male, and the chicken was still in it.

“I only prayed that you noticed too and are going to give it it’s newsworthy due. — Joan Van Poznak

■ Dear Joan: First of all, I want to assure you that I am the correct person at this paper to come to for such a story. If the chicken wasn’t still in the pot when she threw it, you might get away with calling somebody else.

But for thrown chicken soup that includes the cooked car- cass, I’m your man. Although I will say it’s the broth, and not the meat, that does the real damage.

And in this case, which happened in suburban Boca Raton, the woman followed it up by hitting the guy on the side of his head with a hammer, which as a blunt instrument does a much better job than poultry.

You probably won’t be surprised to find out that this is not the first time a Florida woman has attempted to settle a domestic argument by emptying a pot of hot chicken soup on the unsuspecting guy. It happened this past summer in St. Petersburg.

In each case, the man was lying in bed.

So I guess you can say, if you don’t want to get a hot pot of chicken soup poured on you in Florida, (1) Don’t get into an argument with your girlfriend during meal times and (2) don’t think you can end the argument by lying down in bed.

■ “I might have missed it but I don’t remember reading about traffic jams, children out of school, flags waving, or choruses singing when the Guatemalan president visited town.

“According to Wikipedia the Chinese population of Palm Beach County is 0.4 percent, whereas the Guatemalan is 1.5 percent.” — Sarah Becker

■ Dear Sarah: Maybe the Guatemalan president was here illegally.

■ Hi Frank: We are your loyal fans, so as we peeled our breakfast this