We’re not the USA anymore; we’re the Emirate of Trump
Thomas L. Friedman SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA — President Donald Trump’s trip to Europe was truly historic.
He left our most important allies there so uncertain about our commitment to their security and to shared values on trade and climate change that German leader Angela Merkel was prompted to tell her countrymen that the days of relying on the United States are “over to a certain extent,” and European allies “really must take our fate into our own hands.”
Merkel is just the first major leader to say out loud what every ally is now realizing: The United States is under new management. We’re not the USA anymore. We’re the new UAE: the United American Emirate.
We have an emir. His name is Donald. We have a crown prince. His name is Jared. We have a crown princess. Her name is Ivanka. We have a consultative council (Congress) that rubber-stamps whatever the emir wants. And like any good monarchy, our ruling family sees no conflict of interest between its personal businesses and those of the state.
Let every nation know that we shall pay no price, bear no burden, meet no hardship, support no friend, oppose no foe to assure the success of liberty — unless we’re paid in advance.
The Trump doctrine is very simple: There are just four threats in the world: terrorists who will kill us, immigrants who will rape us or take our jobs, importers and exporters who will take our industries — and North Korea. Threats to democracy, free trade, the environment and human rights are no longer on our menu. Therefore, no matter how unsavory you are as a foreign leader, you can be the United American Emirate’s best friend if you:
1.) Pay us by buying our weapons. I warn you, though, Saudi Arabia has set the bar very high, starting at $110 billion.
2.) Pay us in higher defense spending for NATO — not to deter Russia, but to deter “terrorism,” something that tanks and planes are useless against.
3.) Pay us in trade concessions. And it doesn’t matter how lame. All that matters is that Emir Trump can claim “concessions.”
4.) Pay us by freeing any U.S. citizen you arrested on trumped-up charges to annoy Barack Obama and to intimidate human rights activists. See Egypt’s President Abdel-Fattah el-Sissi’s release of a U.S.-Egyptian charity worker, Aya Hijazi, who was working with homeless children.
5.) Pay us by grossly flattering our emir. See President Rodrigo Duterte, of the Philippines, and Bibi Netanyahu, of Israel.
6.) Be Russia, and you pay nothing.
Too harsh? Not at all. Being in Korea and seeing how much this country has grown out of poverty over the last 50 years by adopting all our values, it makes you weep to think that virtually the only thing Trump’s had to say about Korea is that it’s a freeloader on our army (not even true) and needs to pay up.
This week I saw the official photographs that now grace the entry halls of all U.S. embassies. Vice President Mike Pence is smiling warmly. Trump is actually scowling. If his picture had a caption, it would be: “Get off my lawn.”
It could also say: “Let all who enter this embassy know: We don’t do alliances anymore. We only do Master Limited Partnerships. Interested? Call 202-456-1414. Operators are standing by.”