Theater still great despite small seats, less-than-spectacular views

“THERE IS nothing like staying at home for real comfort,” said Jane Austen.

Broadway theaters are what make New York City different! Not that everybody supports the theater because it has become too expensive. But the theater is still unique in that it makes Times Square the place to go.

If you can’t afford to buy theater tickets at several hundred dollars a pop, you can still see the glamorous posters and marquees and star names all lit up in lights. And who knows? You might even see an actual star or familiar actor you recognize!

Of course, there are other theater centers around the globe where people congregate, but the understated attractions of London, or Sydney, or sometimes even sprawling Los Angeles, can’t compare to the gaudy glamour of New York’s Times Square.

And what’s more, almost any actor, star, performer wants to end up on Broadway.

Theater owners, on the other hand, don’t seem to care much about the crowds milling around Times Square. When they get a chance to “do over,” or reconstruct their buildings, which are historical and old, they don’t pay attention to the comfort of their paying audience. They have other problems — unions, ushers, the changing rules for selling drinks you can carry to your seat, and more. Theater lovers will come anyway, though, so owners seldom deal with changing times and little items like comfortable seats. The fact is seats need to be enlarged to accommodate larger people.

I went to see “Sunset Boulevard” recently and my average-size seatmates could barely wedge themselves into the narrow, old-fashioned seats. I was unique, at last, for weighing less than 125 pounds (because I am so ancient). And pounds aside, men are simply tall and growing taller all the time. While I like tall men, it’s no fun to sit behind one in the theater.

At “Sunset Boulevard,” I was in very good seats, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t see the entire stage once

I sat down. I never had a good look at the entire set, getting only glimpses of it around the heads of the people sitting in front of me. In fact, I never got a chance to study anything for all the music signaling. By then, Glenn Close was already dramatically descending the stairs. She was almost on the final step before I could locate her.

And nobody can say that audiences aren’t enthusiastic these days. They shoot up out of their seats and stand applauding for the least little thing that happens onstage. And thus, I haven’t seen a full curtain call or a standing ovation in years. I see backsides! These were once reserved for special occasions. Now the audience explodes every chance they get. They stand, applaud and scream at every opportunity and I am sitting behind them, not ready to give such acclaim. I am still sitting gathering my wits before I get a chance to stand up.

People stomp and scream their approval. I guess TV has conditioned everyone to yell and stand. The theater should be above this. I have now started going to the theater with a pillow booster and try to study the set before the screaming begins.

But on the bullet-proof opening night of “Hello, Dolly!” I had a seat where I saw my darling Bette Midler only now and then. My seat had only a side view of part of the stage. An overenthusiastic audience was standing and clapping from the first. Bette and the show deserved such a tribute.

That was different and I loved it! It was a special night! A one-time-only occasion and I was just lucky to see any part of it.

This proved that the theater is still where it’s “at.” Even so, I believe audiences should slim down and be slow to give unreasoned enthusiasm from the moment the curtain rises.

And I guess tall men should still slump down in their tiny seats, though, really, they have little choice.

Here’s for more room for bigger and better theater seats for everyone!

Heloise

Dear Readers: Today’s SOUND OFF is about people who are perpetually late. — Heloise

Dear Heloise: Why are some people always late for everything? I have a friend who seems to think showing up on time is beyond her capabilities. She’ll say things like, ‘Time is my enemy.’ If we’re meeting for lunch, she is sure to be 20 to 40 minutes late. Several of our mutual friends have stopped inviting her to various functions for this very reason. I only hope this will give others who are never on time a chance to think about how it affects others.” — Charlotte F., Hot Springs, Ark.

Dear Readers: Here are some hints for repurposing old books:

■ Stack up several volumes to make a side table by a chair.