Mother’s Alzheimer’s disease causes squabbling among children
Question: Mom’s Alzheimer’s disease was just diagnosed. It is early onset. She’s 65, lives alone. She’s fine now, but my brothers and I don’t know what to do. I say she should go to assisted living now, before problems arise. One brother thinks it’s premature. The other also objects because he can’t afford to make the one-third contribution to the cost. Both want her to move into my house because I live nearby, but my wife objects. We’re not even at a crisis and we’re arguing! Have you seen cases like this and do we need a lawyer to settle it?
Answer: If she’s functioning well now, no immediate action is needed. Keep calm. Besides, she gets to make her decisions while she’s competent, not you.
Your priority is becoming educated. If you are authorized to speak to her doctor, do so to get an idea of what to expect. The Alzheimer’s Association and other organizations have counselors who can advise you, often free of charge. You can start looking at assisted living or memory care communities, just to have the information handy for the future. If things ever get really heated — and I hope they don’t — there are lawyers who mediate family disagreements of this nature.
Another current priority: Mom’s estate planning documents should be updated, Joseph Karp
The Karp Law Firm, P.A. particularly her Health Care Surrogate and her Durable Power of Attorney. When she becomes impaired and can’t handle her own affairs, these documents will prevent you from having to get a guardianship over her. I would not recommend all three brothers serving as co-agents, since your letter suggests the “committee approach” may be unworkable.
Better to have one brother as agent, another as first backup, the other, second backup. Last, your mother may eventually need to apply for Medicaid benefits for long-term care. This is a good time to talk to a Florida Bar Certified Elder Law Attorney about all the options. Good luck.
Joseph Karp, a member of the Florida and New York Bars, is a Nationally and Florida Bar Certified Elder Law Attorney and founder of The Karp Law Firm, located in Palm Beach and St. Lucie counties. The firm assists clients with wills, trusts, Medicaid and VA benefits planning, asset preservation, probate/trust administration and estate litigation.