Violence against women starts early; men can help stop it

In case I hadn’t heard enough horror stories about bad treatment of young girls, I caught a whiff of it in real life recently at a MARTA train station in Atlanta. I had just stepped off the train car when I saw a boy maybe 15 or 16 years of age, punching at a girl perhaps a year or two younger. The punches were aimed at her arm, which, due to the temperature, was inside her jacket, but these were real punches.

I know that some boys — and some adults — consider this behavior just “playing around.” But it can also signal the beginning of a dangerous power imbalance, and so, not for the first time, I became “The Adult” — one of the villagers it takes to raise a child.

I caught the boy’s eye and shook my head. “That’s not good,” I said. He looked at me as if I were, well, an adult. We were all moving along with the crowd now, and I only had time for one parting comment: “You need to stop that.” He did, at least for as long as I could see him.

At the schools where I have taught, teachers are posted in the hallways during passing time. If I saw a boy hugging a girl too hard or otherwise grabbing at her, I would (1) shake my unsmiling head, or (2) give the full-out lecture, after sending the young lady on her way:

“Girls often are not able to say no,” I would begin, because I had learned from experience that just telling him to stop would invariably elicit that old shedoesn’t-mind-she’s-my-girlfriend (or -sister) line. “This means you have to do the right thing and not count on her to draw the line.”

The thing is, our village needs more outspoken adult men. I’ve learned, over the years, that male teachers have a certain advantage the minute they walk into a classroom, especially when interacting with boys. Men have the same advantage in other settings. It doesn’t mean that women can’t do anything they want to do, including raise kids on their own, but boys need to hear from grown men. They just do.

When a boy is being too rough with a girl, I would really like to hear a man say to him, “This is a young lady. Treat her with respect.”

I will continue to be “The Adult” when I see young men (or women) who need to be reminded that their behavior violates our tribe’s code. But I am hopeful that recent events will encourage the adult men of the village to step in before I need to.

ANGELA GRANT,