FEAR OF … FEMINISM?
‘It’s hard not to be discouraged by the many obstacles in the path to women’s equality,’ the author says. ‘How can we as women not grow frustrated with our interminable revolution?’
My friend Erica Jong is the sassy sister I never had, the one I’d have liked to imagine … loving, full of chutzpah and valuable wisdom on being the most powerful woman you can be.
She’s written more than 25 books, including the famous “Fear of Flying,” which celebrates its 45th anniversary this year.
With the notion of “zipless sex”— sex for the heck of it, no strings attached — “Fear of Flying” soared into popular culture. It has sold more than 30 million copies in 42 languages.
Erica’s latest novel, “Fear of Dying,” published in 2015, is the story of a 60-year-old woman confronting life’s third act.
She’ll talk about that and more at a lecture and book signing I’m moderating on Feb. 2 at Florida Atlantic University.
I asked her five questions about feminism … and why it’s still a hot topic.
Two words: Sexual harassment. So much is being written about how men have traditionally silenced women. Before social media existed, only the elite had voices. Now we have Hollywood moguls accused of sexual misconduct. Are celebrity takedowns going to solve the long-term problem?
No. The only thing that will solve the long-term problem is greater awareness on the part of men and an understanding that empathy can be an important masculine trait. As long as men associate masculine power with grabbing and dominating, we have no hope of change.
Isn’t it a wider issue? Isn’t it about professional harm not just sexual harm?
Actually, it’s both. The women who are underpaid and not famous are actually abused more than any other women with the understanding that they can’t protest. They have no public voices; they need the jobs. Some women report that they acted pleasant to their abusers because they didn’t want to lose their jobs. Then men later use their cordiality as proof of consensual sex.
Women are put in a no-win situation at work. Until the workplace changes – which means changing men— women will never get ahead.
Lena Dunham was a proud supporter of Hillary Clinton, but many younger women weren’t. What do you say to young women out there about being supportive of other women?
I don’t know if that’s the lesson we should draw from Lena and Hillary. Of course, Hillary was a flawed candidate, but we elect flawed male candidates all the time. Why should women candidates have to adhere to an impossible standard? They are criticized for their husband’s mistakes. They
are criticized for their hair, their clothes and the abuses of their funders. Is it possible to raise money from only pure angels? Many of the biggest political funders have gotten rich in ways we would rather not know about. Harvey Weinstein is a perfect example.
The double standard is not just sexual, it also means women are more harshly criticized for taking money from impure sources.
We have to learn to support each other without being unreasonable perfectionists. Here on earth, not everyone is angelic. Anyway, I think millennials were harsh on Hillary because she reminded them of their mothers. Until we understand the mother-daughter dialectic, we will not make progress.
If you look at the successive waves and retreats of feminism, you cannot help but see the mother-daughter dialectic. Let’s be smarter than feminists of the past. Let’s acknowledge the psychological underpinnings of our rage.
Why is feminism so misunderstood?
It only means equality between the genders — not women devouring men.
It’s hard not to be discouraged by the many obstacles in the path to women’s’ equality.
Sexism, ageism, violence against women, have to be acknowledged again and again until we grow weary of pointing them out. One administration acknowledges them as facts, the next denies them as myths.
How can we as women not grow frustrated with our interminable revolution?
We seem to be on an endless treadmill of writing, reading, hoping against hope, then losing heart.
Intersectionality — the triple problems of race, class and gender — seem insurmountable, despite many revolutionary movements to end inequality of income and race.
Human beings are very good at denial of reality. We have to learn how to embrace reality.
What does today’s feminist look like compared to the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s?
Today’s feminist understands that women are talented, smart and strong. She doesn’t deserve to be held to an impossible standard no human being could ascend to. Why do women have so little empathy for each other? We have to get to the bottom of that. We have to learn to identify with each other. Men call each other ‘good guys’ even if they don’t agree on everything. We really need to achieve humility and realize we are all stumbling human
beings.
Did you have any idea that “Fear of Flying” would be such a phenomenon?
No idea whatsoever.
Lois Cahall is an author and founder of the Palm Beach Book Festival.