CERABINO: FLYING WITH YOUR GOAT? THINK TWICE ON AMERICAN
It’s good to see that American Airlines is taking a stand against the expanding roster of creatures brought aboard commercial airlines as “emotional support animals.”
This past week, the airline issued comprehensive restrictions on these animals while outlining the kind of unacceptable behavior that won’t be tolerated in the cabin of a commercial flight.
I think these new restrictions are a good start in blunting the trend that’s turning commercial air travel into a mile-high Noah’s Ark experience. But I would go a little further.
So here are the actual American Airlines restrictions with my recommendations for an additional step.
American Airline restriction: “Animals to be seated on lap must be smaller than a 2-yearold child.”
Recommended additional step: Animals larger than a 2-year-old child will be considered carry-on luggage and be placed in the overhead compartment.
American Airlines restriction: “Emotional support and service animals cannot eat from tray tables.”
Recommended additional step: ... and their owners must buy whatever they lick on the snack cart.
American Airlines restriction: Some animals will not be permitted as emotional support animals. They include: goats, hedgehogs, insects, farm poultry, snakes and rodents.
Recommended additional step: If you bring a goat aboard a Caribbean flight, it may be subject to in-flight butchering and being served curried-style as a complimentary meal to the rest of the passengers.
American Airlines restriction: “On flights over eight hours, documentation is required stating your animal won’t need to relieve itself or can do so in a way that doesn’t create a health or sanitation issue.”
Recommended additional step: Documentation will not be accepted from any physician who has given President Donald Trump a clean bill of
health.
American Airline restriction: An emotional support animal will not be allowed on a flight if it is “unclean/has an odor.”
Recommended additional step: Should the plane take off with an unclean animal that has an odor, the animal’s owner will be required to spend the duration of the flight in the forward coat closet with the animal. Passengers who are themselves “unclean” or “have an odor” will, of course, continue to be welcomed to fly.
American Airlines restriction: The airline will disqualify any emotional support animal “with tusks, horns or hooves, excluding miniature horses properly trained as service animals.”
Recommended additional step: Miniature horses on commercial flights may not give center-aisle rides to unaccompanied minors.
American Airlines restriction: A passenger who brings aboard an animal that “exhibits any severely aggressive behavior” is subject to “removal from the aircraft.”
Recommended additional step: This may or may not include landing the aircraft to facilitate removal.
American Airlines restriction: Service animals have been specifically trained to help people with disabilities that include visual impairments, deafness, seizures and mobility impairments.
Recommended additional step: Dogs you bring to shop at Nordstrom are not service animals, they’re Boca animals.
American Airlines restriction: If an emotional support animal displays an “unsafe, untrained or inappropriate behavior” the airline will reclassify the animal as a “pet”, which subjects you to paying pet fees on the flight.
Recommended additional step: If the animal’s owner displays unsafe, untrained or inappropriate behavior, he or she will be directed to the nearest reservation desk for Spirit Airlines.
American Airlines restriction: To fly with a support animal, you must contact the Special Assistance Desk with all required documentation at least 48 hours before your flight.
Recommended additional step: Before takeoff, if you see the pilot of your flight walk into the cockpit of the airliner with his or her emotional support animal, please phone the Special Assistance Desk immediately.