ONLINE? OH, NO!
Dreyfoos grad’s memoir a how-NOT for the web
When Dreyfoos School of the Arts graduate Franchesca Ramsey bought a cheap blond wig and made an answer video to the viral hits “S—- Girls Say” and “S—Black Girls Say,” she thought it was just another clever way to attract attention to her YouTube channel.
But when that YouTube video, called “S—- White Girls Say To Black Girls,” went viral itself, with 12 million views, aspiring actress Ramsey found she had hit a nerve by humorously but specifically discussing things like racism, sexism and microaggressions.
“2018 is really different than 2012, when no one was talking about these issues,” she says now. “But they should be.”
Six years later, Ramsey, 34, has become one of her generation’s foremost commentators on diversity, culture and bias, as the host of MTV.com’s “Decoded” series, a former writer for Comedy Central’s “The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore,” and now the author of her first book, “Well, That Escalated Quickly: Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist.”
Taking its name from a particularly memorable line from Will Ferrell’s “Anchorman,” the book is part memoir, part humorously frank guide to navigating the wild world of the World Wide Web, based on some of Ramsey’s own missteps.
“I’m a flawed human being, and so are you,” she says. “I hope that you can see me as a full person. I’m honest. I hope that inspires people.”
You grew up on the internet. Are you surprised at the crazy and now seemingly essential thing it’s become?
I am! I think it’s because I grew up right at the time when it was becoming more accessible, although I didn’t grow up with a smartphone. I had to wait until I got home to use the computer, that was in the kitchen, so I wasn’t doing that much nefarious stuff. (Laughs) I didn’t have access to it 24 hours a day.
Obviously that changed, considering what you do for a living.
Most recently, it got to the point where I charge my phone in a different room so I’m not tempted to look at it in the middle of the night to see what’s going on, on the internet, and scroll around for an hour.
You write a lot about how to deal with trolls, based in part on things you did right, and sometimes things you didn’t. What do you think their motivation is?
In some ways, the internet lets (people) really be themselves, or the person they wish they could be. I liken it to alcohol. If someone is really drunk, they can say these awful things and then say, “I’m sorry, I was drunk.” You have lower inhibitions, but you’re still responsible. The internet is the same. It’s like, “Oh my God, I can be naughty here and say and do things with no repercussions.” The internet can be a positive place when it comes to marginalized people connecting around the world, who can talk and express who they are. But it can also provide space for people who are unhappy in their real lives, and on the internet find it’s easier to say nasty things about a stranger that it’s not as easy to say in person.
You are very proud to be an activist for social justice, but in the book make it clear that you don’t call yourself a “social justice warrior,” which has weirdly become an insult, even though social justice is a good thing.
There are a lot of people who do not want to be self-reflexive, who (call people things like) “Feminazi.” There is nothing Nazilike about being a feminist. I have never advocated for the genocide of anybody. They needed to come up with a word they can throw at (people), like “snowflake.” It doesn’t change the validity of the criticism. I have been saying “social justice advocate,” because it sounds more positive. It’s about standing up for people, doing what’s right, uplifting causes. “Warrior” sounds so violent, and I don’t like violence. I don’t even like violent movies or TV shows.
One of my favorite chapters is about recognizing that cost of going public with your opinions on social media and how once it’s out there, it’s there forever. What would you tell pre-fame Franchesca about that, that you know now?
(Comedian) Larry (Wilmore) once mentioned to me, when I was on his show, “Your Twitter is a little out of control,” and I was like “Oh, riiight, everybody can see this. I don’t know how I can forget that!” (Laughs)… Larry saying that to me hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought “Wow, I have been sharing things on the internet that I would not say in real life, that I would be embarrassed if people knew!”… Everyone should be thinking of their online presence right now and think “This is how I feel right now, but one day I might think ‘Oh, God, this is so embarrassing.’”
Is it crazy to you that people on the internet lie about stuff and then forget how easy it is to find the receipts, as they say?
People are not just brazenly overconfident about themselves, but they underestimate how dedicated people (can be) to find things, how much they enjoy that. It’s like that guy who was going off on those two women speaking Spanish. They put out the Bat Signal, like “Here’s a picture of him!” And then they dug up a video of him yelling at someone else. It was a team effort. When he was yelling at people, in no way, shape or form did he think people were going to be reviewing his business on Yelp! or combing through his Instagram.
In your recent New York Times interview, you said you felt vulnerable with the book coming out.
I feel like I’m bracing myself for something. It could be an ironic self-fulfilling prophecy, if people are upset. The name of the book is “Well, That Escalated Quickly” and that’s going to be the inevitable response (laughs). Some level of vulnerability is a positive thing, what audiences have come to expect from me. It makes me relatable, that I will continue to make mistakes like everyone else. I’ll continue to lead by example. (Laughs)
You write about winding up at dinner next to Lena Dunham, after you and your best friend had created some humorously critical YouTube reviews of her HBO series “Girls,” because, like most people, you never imagined you’d meet her or, as you did, wind up next to her at a dinner. And you wound up actually liking her but had to fess up before she went home and googled you.
I had so much anxiety about telling that story. I think that (chapter) was the hardest one for me because she’s so polarizing. I remember, I had already turned in my manuscript in when she made that comment about (“Girls” writer and Dunham’s friend) Murray Miller (with Dunham implying that a black actress was lying about Miller raping her because they were friends, before backtracking). I read that and said, “Delete the whole Lena Dunham chapter! Take it out!” But I didn’t. When she says dumb things, like objectifying Odell Beckham Jr. at the Met Gala, someone writes online, “Well she’s a fat cow,” or posts pictures of her looking unflattering…I think that people should be more thoughtful about the things that they criticize. People say “Kellyanne Conway, she’s the Crypt Keeper!” Don’t do that. She’s said so many awful things that her attractiveness should have nothing to do with it.
Good point.
I didn’t know Lena was going to be there, and apologized. I did message (Dunham) to give her a headsup I might write about it. I have a lot of not-so-flattering moments, but for me, I felt like I was telling that story for the purposes of learning from my mistakes. I think people might see themselves in those mistakes.