It’s time for Trump to plan Putin’s U.S. visit itinerary
It’s “Executive Time” and the chief executive is very busy in the residence.
Too busy even to give his full attention to watching “Fox & Friends” and tweeting the show’s chyrons. President Donald Trump will need every minute between 8 and 11 a.m. to plan his itinerary with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Hosting the world’s worst bad boy at the White House in the fall will be exciting, like having a friend over whom your parents can’t stand. The rest of Washington might be agog and aghast. But Donald Trump has finally found someone who wants to hang out with him.
So he grabs his black felt marker to draw up the best agenda ever for his pal.
6 a.m. Meet Putin at Andrews and fly him in my cool chopper to the White House. Show him the pictures on the wall of the huge crowds at my Inaugural. Take him to the Situation Room. That will be a gas for him to see how we keep tabs on him. And maybe we can get some pointers.
7 a.m. Explain to Putin how our agitprop office operates. He will be very impressed at my routine, reading printouts of only the most positive articles about myself.
7:30 a.m. Bring Putin over to the residence to enjoy watching me watch “Fox & Friends” and live-tweeting about the show and then the hosts will talk about my tweet and then we can both call in and talk about Crooked Hillary’s Uranium One scandal.
8:30 a.m. Ivanka Trump will bring in her children, dressed in Red Army Choir uniforms, to sing “Song of the Volga Boatmen” and recite a poem they wrote about how dictators are our hope for the future.
10 a.m. Watch military parade on Pennsylvania Avenue featuring Russian and U.S. troops marching together with missiles mounted on tanks and pointed at the media, the Enemy of the People. ENJOY!
11 a.m. Putin will be my guest at the National Security Briefing with CIA Boss Lady Gina Haspel. She can recount heartwarming stories about torture that will amuse Vlad the Impaler.
Noon Lunch with Putin, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Jeanine Pirro at the White House mess. We’ll put Borscht in the taco bowl!
1 p.m. Take Putin in the Beast for a tour of the city. We can swing by the DNC and finally confiscate that server they rigged the election with. Then straight to the Spy Museum.
2 p.m. We go to the Federal Election Commission, so Putin can get an update on how his scheme to hijack the midterms is going.
3 p.m. I take Putin to Langley for a tour of the CIA. Surely there will be some intelligence officers he needs to interrogate about the Mueller Witch Hunt.
5 p.m. Serve Putin vodka on an aquamarine velvet chaise at the Trump hotel so that he can see for himself: When Russia funnels secret cash into my hotels and golf courses, it’s money well laundered.
6 p.m. Cozy state dinner with our dates, Melania and John Bolton. The Federalist Society Chamber Orchestra will perform its Originalist hits.
7:30 p.m. Take Air Force One to Bullhead City, Arizona, for a rally. I can welcome bare-chested Putin onstage and thank him for helping me beat Crooked Hillary — not that I needed any help!
11:30 p.m. (Mountain People’s Time):
Call Hannity on the flight back to Washington for a joint interview about our record-breaking crowds in Bullhead. This day will be so tremendous, Vlad will want to do it again — after he fixes the 2020 election.