Hope for Hurting Hearts
A widow’s grief turned to comfort for others
ARGOS — “Hope for Hurting Hearts” is a Christian based one day grief retreat which will be held on Saturday Nov. 7. When Jennifer “Jen” Shaw lost her beloved husband, John, she wanted to help others who were struggling through the same anguish she experienced by providing hope for healing.
Topics this year include suicide, how men and women grieve differently, and how other complications in your life can make grief worse.
Though the grief retreat was designed to address the loss of a loved one to death, a participant in last year’s program found the experience to be helpful even
though the separation from their loved one had been due to other circumstances.
Participants may find the retreat helpful to navigate grief experienced from divorce, partner incarceration, or other forms of separation. “I’m not going to say no to anybody. If anybody can come and be healed by the word of God, I am all for it.”
Jen expected to be past her grief within six months but that was not the case. “I thought within six months I would be okay. John had suffered from seizures and migraines for seventeen years. I knew he would no longer be in pain. I knew he was going to heaven. I knew his life in heaven would be much better than here on earth. I thought that in six months I would be fine. That was not what happened at all.”
She couldn’t find relief. “I found myself needing to go to therapy. I found myself needing medication. I think, especially for a lot of Christians, there is a lot of stigma against that. I really had even debated whether or not to check myself in to the Logansport State Hospital.”
When people responded to her long term grief with misunderstanding, a lack of compassion, or even disdain, it made it more difficult for her to be patient with herself. “So many people think, ‘It’s been long enough. You should be over this. You need to move on with your life. You should be okay.’ And people get tired of hearing it. They really do. People get tired of hearing about your loss. But they don’t realize that yes, their life went on as normal, because it wasn’t their loved one, it wasn’t their life.”
Jen and John met at the 1776 Pancake and State House in Rensselaer where she was a waitress her junior year in high school. His brother was a year ahead of Jen in school and she worked with his mother who was the hostess. “I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that he was going to be my husband.” She laughed as she admitted to this day she remembers that he ordered iced tea and has no recollection of what his brother ordered.
They were married for 27 years until death did them part, but Jen’s love for John still lives on in her heart. “When you are married you become one. When that person passes, you lose half of yourself. If your body was cut in half how are you supposed to go on? That’s what happens with your heart and with your soul. You have to find a way to heal.”
Searches for a more effective treatment options nationwide yielded “New Age” results; Jen wanted something Christian based. She participated in Grief Share ® and became a facilitator, but still she wanted something more. It was when her own needs weren’t met that she designed “Hope for Hurting Hearts” to help people heal.
When she felt strong enough herself, she started organizing her vision. “I decided that we would get some Christian speakers in, we would do grief exercises, we would do small group fellowship, so that people could be in the majority.”
Shaw said that processing grief is work. It takes focus and energy. It also takes a support system. “Welcome to the club you never wanted to join. You have your own unique language now.”
Complicated grief can take longer to overcome. Medical surgery to repair trauma takes weeks to recover from. Emotional and mental trauma is no different, but many are forced to function beyond the measure they have healed and sometimes to their own detriment.
“People have to realize that you cannot just sit back and think you are going to heal.” Grief is work, time does nothing to heal grief. “There is nothing to be ashamed about. There is nothing to be worried about that. Some people just take longer. There is no reason to think you have to hurry through it.”
Shaw doesn’t want to make anyone’s grief worse due to false expectations. She emphasized that the program is faith-based. She does not recommend the program for anyone who would be offended hearing about God. “You are going to hear about God. You don’t have to be a believer to come. But please don’t come thinking that you are not going to hear about God, because you are. Only God can heal.”
A licensed counselor will also be on site for 20 minute deep counseling for those who experience a strong response to the content.
The deadline to register is October 24. The registration fee is $25 to cover the cost of lunch and supplies. Arrival time is 8:30 a.m. to 8:45 a.m. at Parkside Community Church located at 225 S. Michigan St. in Argos. The program will begin at 9 a.m. and will conclude at 3 p.m. The event includes speakers, grief exercises, and small group interaction.