‘Their job is to be a kid’
“You let that kid be a kid. That kid is not your support system.” - Heather Green
MARSHALL COUNTY — Marshall County Community Corrections Case Manager Heather Green not only serves adults recovering from addiction and alcoholism; she also advocates for the children of individuals who are in recovery.
Green expressed compassion for children who have experienced the challenges that come with being raised in a dysfunctional home. Many children feel that the struggles in their home are somehow their fault; it is never their fault. “Most kids feel like it’s their fault. as young kids, most kids feel just like the world revolves around them. Not in a bad way; they just think it does. Their circle of knowledge is very small. They think the sun goes down at night because they go to bed and they think it comes up in the morning because they wake up. They don’t realize all the things that happen between shutting their eyes and when they open them.”
Because of that, many children feel an overwhelming responsibility for the state of their home and the well being of their families. Green cautions parents who are in recovery to avoid using their children as their “support system.”
“I always caution parents who say, ‘I’m getting clean and sober for my kids.’, ‘My kids are my heroes’, ‘I’m doing this for my kids.’ That’s great. If that is what it takes to get you here, great, I’m all for that. You need to stay clean and sober so that your kids have a clean and sober parent.”
Though many parents mean well when they express to their kids that they are going to recover for them; she said that it carries unintended and painful consequences. Knowing that recovery is a process and there will be challenges along the way; children should not feel responsible for anyone’s recovery; nor should they feel responsible for any failure or relapse. “If you tell your kids, ‘I’m clean and sober for you’; ‘You are my support’; ‘I’m doing it for you’; when you fail, what does the kid think? They think that they failed.” Green said that is not a burden any child should bear. Green emphasized that a child should be allowed to be a child.
Green said that Prime for Life ®, a program that can be court ordered for individuals sentenced to Community Corrections, has activities that help individuals determine healthy and appropriate support systems. “If you want to be clean and sober because you want to be a good parent, absolutely. But that is not your kid’s job to be your support system.” She added. “Their job is to be a kid.”
Though Community Corrections does not offer specific programs for children of parents who are recovering from addiction or alcoholism, Green eventually hopes to facilitate a program in the public school system for intermediate
school, junior high and high school aged students to educate them on their rights as individuals and teach them healthy coping skills when having to deal with less than ideal situations at home.
Green said that support for the families of someone suffering from addiction or alcoholism can be found through al-anon and alateen. alateen is a support group that focuses on helping teenagers cope with a family member suffering from addiction. Find out more about both programs at al-anon.org.