Stepmother accuses recent graduate of stealing
DEAR HARRIETTE:
My stepmom suggested that I stole money from her bedroom while she was out of town. I know deep down that she has never liked me and was waiting for an excuse to point the finger at me for something like this. She has no evidence that I stole anything, and she can't even give a straightforward answer for why I would have done something like this. I don't care what she thinks, but my dad is "refusing to take sides."
Would I be wrong to cut off my dad for not having my back? The hard part is that I still live with them. I just graduated from college, and I am looking for a job. I need to be here for a while longer, but I hate being accused of a crime in my own house. How can I handle this? — Wild Accusations DEAR WILD ACCUSATIONS:
Your dad is caught in an extremely uncomfortable situation. He wants to trust you, and he wants to keep peace in his house. Right now, I'm sure it feels like there's no winning in this situation for you. Rather than cutting off your dad — which seems unrealistic since you are in his house — talk to him. Tell him your side of the story. Don't complain too much about his wife, though.
You need to find a way to maintain peace with her while you are living there. Ask your dad to trust you and to look at your track record. If there is no previous reason for you to be considered a thief, point that out to him. Tell your stepmom that you are sorry she is missing money, but you did not take it.
Next, focus on getting a job and moving. Clearly, you are not welcome — at least from your stepmom's perspective. Plot a course toward your independence. When you are able to live on your own, you will feel more relaxed and can create space to be respected by your family on your own terms. DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends was a nightmare client to another good friend of mine. Both of them are telling conflicting stories about their experiences. The toughest part of this is that one of my friends has a track record of being more credible than the other. I don't really want to take sides, but it's gotten ugly between them. I do feel some responsibility to help them resolve things, as I am the one who introduced them in the first place. How can I help them while remaining neutral? — Conflicting Stories DEAR CONFLICTING
STORIES: Speak to each friend individually, starting with the one who was a client. Apologize for introducing them to someone who ultimately became part of a conflict at the job. Assure them that you didn't expect such an outcome. Offer to help in whatever way you can to remedy the situation. Note that you are a neutral party here and only want to help come to a resolution.
Next, talk to the other friend and explain that you are sorry things haven't worked out well with this project. Point out that you recommended them, so both of your reputations are on the line. Suggest that they step away gracefully, no matter who they think is right in the situation. Remind them that you are not taking sides, but to the bigger point of being professional, it is essential that they quiet the fire and move on with integrity.
For you, be careful before you recommend people for anything. Your word is bond in those situations, and as you see, that bond can feel like cement when things go south.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.