Dreams cause turmoil in relationship

DEAR HARRIETTE: From time to time, I have these nightmares about my fiance and me having to face something happening to him or him doing something to break my heart. These dreams have made me feel conflicted with reality. Either I wake up crying, not wanting to get out of bed, or I wake up in a rage, upset with him over something that didn't happen. These dreams feel so strong that I can't separate what is real and what is a dream. I feel like my subconscious is either trying to tell me that this man isn't right for me, or I just love him too much and too hard, and it's got me scared about marriage. How can I deal with these dreams interfering with my reality? — Deep Sleeper

DEAR DEEP SLEEPER:

During your awake time, review what your fears are about getting married, marrying this man specifically and your future. Something is worrying you. Pay attention to your reality to figure out why you are so upset. You should also consider premarital counseling. It used to be a requirement in many religious traditions that couples would talk to a spiritual adviser to review their values, desires and vision of the future to see if they were well suited for each other. It is still strongly recommended. It's one thing to fall in love with someone and quite another to commit your life to growing with that person. This counseling may help you sort through your nightmares and face your fears.

Of course, you should also talk to your fiance about your nightmares and tell him how uncomfortable they have made you. Perhaps your conversation will yield fruitful results in terms of drawing you closer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother was involved in a car accident that resulted in his car being completely totaled. My father owns both my brother's and my car. He told me never to let my brother drive my car because he was so irresponsible with his own. It's been nine days since the wreck, and now my brother is on the verge of losing his job because he cannot find consistent rides to work. I work from home and don't usually need my car during the day, so it feels a little cruel to watch him struggle like that. What should I do? I don't want to defy my dad or put my car at risk, but I'd hate to see my brother lose his car and his job in the same month. — Helpless Brother

DEAR HELPLESS BROTHER:

Do not defy your father. He has good reason to prohibit your brother from driving right now, for his own good. Consider driving your brother to work. He may need to get there early so that the disruption in your schedule doesn't negatively impact your workday, but that is one option. Maybe he has to figure out a way home by asking colleagues or figuring out a public transportation schedule.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.