Couple questions decision not to reach out to ex-friends

DEAR HARRIETTE: Due to a series of extremely negative situations that occurred, my husband and I stopped being friends with the first couple that we befriended when we started dating years ago. Now that our daughter is about to go to college, we realize that these two are our only friends who did not participate in our daughter's graduation festivities or anything associated with this turning point in our lives. When we stopped to think about it, we were sad.

My husband and I briefly acknowledged the space that they used to fill, but we didn't decide to contact them. Was that the right decision? So much negativity filled the space when we last spoke that I'm not sure we want to open that door again, but these people were actually in our wedding — in our bridal party — and were there when our daughter was born. It's just sad that we aren't connected now. Should we reach out or leave it alone? — Old Wounds

DEAR OLD WOUNDS:

Think back to what happened to make you sever ties with these people. Be clear and specific as you evaluate your past. Something major must have occurred for you both to walk away from people who were almost like family to you. Once you recall the situation in detail, ask yourself if you can forgive them for what happened, and if you want to rekindle a bond with them. Forgiveness is wise because it frees you from any intense or negative energy that may still exist between you.

It is healthy to forgive, but it's entirely different to welcome someone back into your inner circle. You are just now sending your daughter off into the world to live her life. Is it really the right time to bring somebody back in who was already released?

DEAR HARRIETTE:

I have worked with a lot of people over the years, and mostly they have stayed in touch in one way or another. I had an anniversary celebration for my business recently, and as I was looking around, I realized that I had left out a couple of people who had been important to me in the early days. I feel bad that I forgot about them. Even though we haven't talked in a long time, they meant a lot to me.

Should I reach out to them even though the party is over? I feel like they might appreciate me sending them a note or calling to thank them for their support years ago. Is that too sentimental? Also, there's a good chance they may have seen pictures of the celebration on social media. I didn't mean to leave them out. I would hate for them to think I intentionally didn't include them. — Reconnecting

DEAR RECONNECTING:

By all means, contact the acquaintances you did not include at your party. Individually let them know how much you appreciate them, and if you can recall a specific thing to highlight in your communication, include that. If you want, you can say that you recently hosted an anniversary party and inadvertently failed to invite them. Assure them that it was an oversight and reiterate that you continue to be grateful for their support.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.