New hire lacks confidence after lying on resume
DEAR HARRIETTE: I started my first corporate job three months ago, but I lied about having prior experience in order to get it. It was really daunting at first. I was worried that I wouldn't know what to do, but I somehow managed to make it work. So far, everyone at the workplace has been extremely welcoming and helpful in teaching me the ropes. Although I've made some mistakes, I'm learning quickly. However, this has caused me to become exhausted as there's so much for me to take in and figure out! Despite this, I've maintained the facade of knowing what I'm doing thus far. Is it possible for me to keep this up in the long term? — Fake It Till You Make It
DEAR FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT: I am not a proponent of lying. It rarely works to your advantage. But given that you did lie to get into this job, your responsibility now is to do everything you can to become proficient and then excellent at it. Exhaustion may be the price you have to pay until you are solid in your skills and execution. Three months may feel like a long time, but it is not. That actually matches the probationary period that many companies use to evaluate whether employees are capable of doing the job they were hired to execute. So, stay on point and keep learning.
Know that the day will probably come when you will be called on your lie. When it does, you should tell the truth — in context. Why did you lie? Was it to get an opportunity? Was it because you had been out of work so long that you were desperate? Was it because you really believed you could do it? Whatever the reason, if and when you are asked about your past by a person in power, be prepared to tell the truth, defend yourself and apologize.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always wanted to have children but never got around to it until later in life. As a result, my son is growing up without siblings, and I worry that he may feel lonely at times. It can be difficult for him when his friends all have brothers or sisters to play with. He has extended family, but not many of them live close by. Is there any way to ensure my son isn't deprived of the important relationships and experiences that come with having siblings? — Older Parent
DEAR OLDER PARENT:
You cannot change your son's birth circumstances, but you can offer perspective as well as put him in situations where he may be able to develop close-knit bonds with peers. First, please know that your son is not the only only child. Look around in his school and your community. You are bound to find some other young person who is solo. When you do, learn a bit about that child and their family. If the child seems grounded enough, suggest to the parents that the two of them meet.
Look around some more for other children in your community who are your son's age. Encourage your son to invite them to play together. Be proactive. You may need to cultivate a rapport with the parents in order to set up the play dates. That's fine. Do whatever you can to expand your son's orbit, and stop comparing his reality to anyone else's, including his cousins'. It is a blessing that you have a child. Pay attention to him and his needs and respond to them. How he lives and what he needs are specific to him.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.