Spouse feels throwing anniversary party would be fake
DEAR HARRIETTE: My anniversary is coming up soon, and it's a big one. Normally I would go all out and host a big party, but I'm not feeling it. Half the time I am so mad at my husband that I don't talk to him. The rest of the time, we either act nice to each other but it's pretty superficial, or we yell expletives at each other. It's a mess.
I have asked my husband to go to therapy. He refuses. Mainly, I just feel sad.
Some of my friends have been pushing me to have a party, but it feels so fake.
How can I handle this situation without drawing too much attention to our anniversary or what's going on between us? — Not in the Mood
DEAR NOT IN THE MOOD:
A party is the least of your worries. Take the pressure off of yourself on that front. Focus on your marriage. You may want to start by finding a therapist for yourself. Start talking to a professional about what's going on in your life. Be as transparent and specific as possible. The more forthcoming you are about what's happening in your world, the better the professional will be able to help you.
Envision the life you want for yourself moving forward. What would you do each day? Would your husband be present? If so, how would the two of you interact? How would you spend your downtime? Once you have a clear picture of that, start to live that way. Invite your husband to step into the world that you see for yourself. See if that helps.
If friends or others start to pester you about whether or not you are going to have a party, just say no. You do not have to provide an explanation.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I changed my hairstyle, and now everybody at work is in my business. People have been asking me a million questions, everything from whether I just went through a breakup, because that's when a lot of people make these kinds of changes, to if I am suffering a midlife crisis to whether I just started dating somebody new. The reality is that I simply wanted a new look. I had been thinking about it for a while, and I decided to go for it. I get that it surprised people at first, so they had comments, but it is wearing on me now. I don't think my hairstyle — which is completely professional — should be anybody's business. Can I ignore them when they start with the inquisition? — Keep It Moving
DEAR KEEP IT MOVING:
In a word — yes. You do not owe anyone an explanation regarding your new hairstyle. It sound like you brought a little excitement to your workplace at a time when they needed it. Unfortunately, that made you the focus of everyone's ongoing attention. If you stop reacting to their comments, eventually they will tire of talking about your hair.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.