Open loops: Thinking too much, too little action
With my individual therapy clients, as well as my work with parents, I find a frequent problem when looking at their frustrations over a deteriorating situation. In this article, I will review why this happens and what you can do to make a shift that will turn things around.
Open Loops: Thinking too much with no closure.
Worry, rumination, and anxiety are all about the mind thinking about something over and over. We have all been there, and learning to tame the worry monster is one of the secrets to happiness.
When the we (our minds) identify a problem, we usually begin the thinking process. We start to look for a solution. This is natural and usually good. It’s important to note however, that our brains seem much better prepared to solve problems in the ex- ternal world, compared to those that relate to improving or changing behavior.
Often, we will keep thinking and thinking about a problem or issue, and never get to a point of closure in our minds. Mentally, we just can’t seem to find a solution that satisfies us, and thus we ‘loop’ through the problem and solution process over and over.
This creates what is called an open loop. We have a problem we want to solve, and likely an intended outcome, but the mind hasn’t found the solution. We LOOP over and over (i.e., worries and anxious thoughts) around the same issues hundreds and even thousands of time and find no closure.
Open loops are tortuous and steal life happiness.
Why does this happen? I would point to two main challenges. First, the mind always likes to have a job to do. It’s like a living thing, that feeds on having something to do. So the mind loves to keep solving the same problem over and over. Of course, this FEELS really bad and we tend to get sick of it. Yet, the mind keeps doing its job, if we don’t close that loop.
Secondly, we often want the perfect solution. And by perfection, that can mean not only the perfect outcome, but this is done without any pain or discomfort on our part. We might want to perfection while making everyone happy (never happens). We might want perfection while avoiding all conflict (never happens). We might want perfection with very little arduous work (rarely happens). Seeking perfection just SLOWS it all down, and helps to promote the repeated looping.
Close the loop. Take action.
Some of you might wonder how you close this anxiety producing, happiness robbing process. Well often, it is not that difficult. The solution: Get out of your head. Start moving and doing.
We can easily close the repeated mental loops once we start to take some action. We start doing something, rather than thinking about it again.
This means we abandon perfection and accept reality. We get our heads out of the Disney world of perfection and no one being disappointed or hurt, and then we recognize that work is ahead of us. We know we are ready to end our suffering when we actually abandon the thinking, to commit ourselves to writing down a real plan. Use that brain to create a game plan, not to think about creating a game plan (again).
Once complete later today, then start doing it. Today.
Start taking action toward a solution, based upon the best plan you can put together. It won’t be perfect, and it may not even work. But please, start the action process by mapping out a simple plan of action. Then, do those actions.
The real magic: Full engagement in the actions.
Rather than a halfhearted effort, give those actions the gift of your full attention. Commit yourself to being present, committed and engaged in the actions you selected. This will free you to keep learn- ing and growing along the way.
Remember now: This mental torture is not necessary. Make a simple action plan and with it, see that you can CLOSE that LOOP. Next, take action. Work the plan, and fully engage. Life could change more than you know, with a few closed loops.