Building optimism, happiness
Optimism and a generally positive outlook is perhaps the single best character trait to nurture in your toddlers and young children. Why? Because optimism works like a shield to protect and buffer children (and adults) from the negative impact of difficult and painful life moments. More importantly, optimism is a resource that leads to better problem solving, better relationships, longer marriages, more life success and, ultimately, more fulfillments.
Many parents wonder how to best encourage their toddlers to be happy and optimistic. Unfortunately, these are not traits we can just give to our children any more than we can give them victory or success; they have to attain those things on their own.
But this does not mean we have no influence on their happiness or optimism! We can help to nurture these traits with the correct parenting choices. Here’s how:
Key 1: Walk the Talk of an Optimistic Parent
This is the starting point for most traits we want to see emerge with our children. We first must be that person we want to see in our children.
To nurture optimism and happiness we need to make certain we don’t spend our time talking about what went wrong today. Instead, we need to show our toddlers that we find the best in others, in difficult situations, and in most aspects of our lives.
When toddlers are quite young, research shows that they begin to pick up both the obvious and the subtle aspects of our behavior. We are giving them the template of optimism or pessimism even before we notice that this is happening.
Many of us struggle to make fundamental changes in our own behaviors for a variety of reasons; perhaps we have been clinging to a wellingrained habit of complaining or noticing what’s ‘wrong’ with the world.
NOW is the time for change. Start today to become the model of optimism that you want to give to your toddler. Once doing that, we can then begin to…
Key 2: Invest Ourselves in Positive Moments
When our children are giggling, laughing and enjoying their lives…invest your time in these moments. Stop what you are doing, and add your smile or laugh or giggle.
When your child smiles as they learn a new concept, make sure that moment is not ignored. Smile. Wink. Nod or give a thumbs-up. When siblings are getting along, these are the moments to catch with your attention, not the problem moments of bickering and arguing. Again, make sure you ‘do something’ to notice these positive moments.
When you learn to constantly learn to catch the moments you want to expand in your home, you now have mastered a powerful, often over-looked key to self-esteem and optimism.
As we follow this approach, we actually use our attention to nurture those positive emotions that help to build a more optimistic outlook.
Key 3: Allow Moments of Frustration and Hurt without Constantly “Fixing It” There is a growing tendency to try to rescue our children from their moments of pain, frustration and anger. When hurt, we want to make it better.
While the intention is good, the outcome can become disastrous. While some ‘coaching’ is useful to give children a sense of their options, you can be sure that things are headed down the negative path if you consistently step in to help your child through their upsets. This approach tends to teach your children that mom or dad is responsible for getting their happiness back! They become progressively dependent on you for every little problem. If we pay attention over time, you notice that there is no growth happening, and that the opposite of optimism begins to emerge. You children expect you to help them through these moments and are quick to seek parental help through every little challenge.
Optimism cannot be developed in this atmosphere. To be optimistic, children must learn that they are central to their own happiness and finding positive outcomes in difficult situations. They cannot become more dependent on others for a solution to emotional challenges, and at the same time build their own optimistic outlook. It just doesn’t work that way.
We must allow children the chance to learn (over time) to become more resourceful and confident in their abilities to get through moments of upset and frustration. When we do this, they gradually learn to believe in themselves and their own natural abilities to find a way through it. This is a powerful resource in building optimism, and a key to many aspects of confidence and self esteem.