Drowning in junk

A close friend, “Jenna,” has a mental illness: She hoards. Her house would be condemned if the health administration were to go there.

I can start tracing this behavior back to when she first became a mother and discovered that raising children requires more than just buying them new clothes and getting pictures taken. She worked and had trouble juggling everything. Fortunately, her mother lived next door and helped out a lot — did her laundry and fixed meals for the kids. But then her mother died, and Jenna’s personality began to change even more. She could not keep up with the daily needs of her family. Then her husband died, only 10 months after her mother.

Long story short, her life has continued spiraling downward. Her house is a disaster, with holes in the walls that let the outside air in, mice, snakes and cat urine and feces everywhere because the litter box never gets changed.

She’s met a man who lives out of state. He will never be invited to her home, yet she’s talking of marrying him and moving to his location. Her kids are well-adjusted to

Happy birthday:

for Thursday, Oct. 19. This year you will experience a lot of change in your life. You will be offered a new beginning, and as a result, your life becomes more dynamic and exciting. If you are single, someone could enter your life and sweep you off your feet. Give yourself a year to find out if this bond and person stack up to your initial impression. If you are attached, your creativity delights your sweetie. You will witness this person becoming more spontaneous as a response to you. As a result, your relationship evolves. SCORPIO sometimes wishes he or she had your social skills.

Aries (March 21-April 19):

★★★★ Others take the lead even if you would prefer to take their hometown. The older one will be a senior in high school next year, and the younger one will be a sophomore. These kids don’t want to move, but with her illness, she can only think of herself and getting a new start. She’s not being totally honest with her new mate. Others close to her need to know how to help her and her kids.

Start with Jenna. Express your concerns about her mental health, and encourage her to seek professional counseling. Then expand to her circle of family and close friends. Make sure everyone is aware of the problem. If she’s been preventing people from coming into the house, it’s possible they have no idea how severe the situation is.

Visit the International OCD Foundation’s hoarding website at https://hoarding.iocdf.org for more resources.

DEAR ANNIE » I read your column every day. I’ve never sent a letter, but I had to respond to “Ex In or Ex Out.” I married my second husband 29 wonderful years ago and met his ex a few months later at his daughter’s charge. You could stun others with your reaction. You are not sure which way to go or what feels right as opposed to what your office structure dictates. Get feedback. Tonight: Defer to a loved one -- as if you have a choice!

Taurus (April 20-May 20):

★★★★ You could be out of sync with a co-worker, though you will gain a great deal of insight from this experience. You will have to let go of a need to control others in order to jump through some of the hoops of a difficult situation. Tonight: Let someone else make the first move.

Gemini (May 21-June 20):

★★★★ Your imagination could come up with some uncomfortable scenarios if you let it run wild. A friend only contributes to those feelings. A new beginning in a high school graduation. I was so pleased to find out how friendly and outgoing she was toward me. I was a little jealous because he still cared for her, as he had two children with her. She wrote me a beautiful, kind, generous letter saying how happy she was with our marriage and how he deserved the best. From then on, she invited us to Christmas and Thanksgiving in Florida to stay with her and see the children. We each bonded as close friends from then on and have taken several trips together by ourselves and with others, separate from my husband. I came to know her as the most honest and caring woman I know and think of her as my best friend. She dubbed us “wife-in-laws”!

The children and grandchildren were the important thing. They have all of us! I suggest that “Ex In or Ex Out’s” fiancee, “Beth,” grow up and think about what’s really important. Jealousy doesn’t become her, and it really complicates matters for her husband and her in-laws. “Ex In or Ex Out” shouldn’t make his family members choose between his ex and Beth, or Beth might lose.

Your example is a reminder that women can often find so much common ground if they just look for it. Thanks for sharing.

If she’s been preventing people from coming into the house, it’s possible they have no idea how severe the situation is.

relationship becomes possible, and for some of you, a new relationship could be on the horizon. Tonight: Get some extra R and R.

Cancer (June 21-July 22):

★★★★ Your playfulness emerges after a sudden development that could at first throw you off your game. You will get past the issue once you encourage a discussion. You are about to experience an unusual yet fulfilling situation develop in your daily life. Tonight: All smiles.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22):

★★★★ You cannot be distracted for long, as surprises keep popping up around you. You have to be grounded in order to handle everything that you must. The unexpected takes a toll on you, but you can handle it. You might decide to make a resolution to change how you deal with problems. Tonight: At a favorite spot.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

★★★ Be aware of the financial implications of a situation. Make sure you understand what is coming forward in the near future. A partner could shake up the status quo with his or her ideas and actions, especially involving spending and saving. Make sure you are on the same page. Tonight: Flow with the moment.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

★★★★ Understand what is happening around you more clearly. You might decide that you can’t do much more than you already have. With the help of a partner, you’ll gain an important insight. What a sense of relief! Tonight: Make it your pleasure to respond to a loved one’s request.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

★★★ The daylight hours could be unnerving, as you cannot seem to get your sea legs. You keep getting tossed a new issue or a surprise. You’ll handle what you must, probably wishing you could create a little more stability. Once the Moon enters your sign, a mellowness takes over -- at least for you. Tonight: Zero in on what you want.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

★★★★ A friendship plays a strong role in your choices. Remember that ultimately it is your choice. You might have mixed feelings as you observe what is happening around you. Later on, you might stop and reflect on how you might change a pattern here. Tonight: Make it an early night.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

★★★★ The unexpected continues to shake up the status quo. You might want to take a firm stand against such upheaval. Be honest with yourself -- you have very little control over others. Emphasize what is important to you in an important meeting or get-together. Tonight: Where the action is.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

★★★★ Pressure builds with sudden calls, messages and perhaps a quickly scheduled meeting. You have the intention of taking the lead with an important project. Others might challenge or disagree with you, but ultimately their tune will change. Tonight: Count on a late dinner.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20):

★★★★ Detach and take a complete view of what is going on around you. At the same time, give some thought to the players and why they have chosen the path they have chosen. A caring, open attitude draws others toward you rather than sticking to their position. Tonight: Consider starting the weekend now!

Artist Peter Max (1937), boxer Evander Holyfield (1962), actor John Lithgow (1945)

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