Take advantage of primacy effect
In recent years, research reveals an interesting tendency of our brains. Learning to utilize this tendency can give us more control over our lives and bring us more of what we want.
The primacy effect
Whatever captures our attention takes precedence over everything else. It’s an automatic process in the brain, and quite functional in most ways. It also goes a step further.
What captures our attention assume a primary level of importance in that moment, well above the level of importance it deserves. Thus, the primacy effect is what happens when our attention is given to something, taking that attention away from everything else. But it also includes having everything else we value is usurped (for the moment) by whatever we surrendered our attention to in that moment.
This seems simple, yet it is enormously important. Why? Because essentially if someone or something captures our attention often enough, that now takes on a saliency that is beyond it’s real level of importance.
If not careful, our deeper values are stolen by the primacy effect
Let’s see how this works. Few of us would consciously state that attending to every text or email or tweet is more important than kindness or gratitude this Holiday Season. Yet, let’s watch our very actions. We see that the ding of the phone, or even our habitual interest in it, pulls our attention to keep looking at it. Few people at the coffee shop say hi these days, as their face is stuck in their phone. The same is true checking out at the department store.
In my practice, I have clients who come to sessions and lay their phone in front of them. They always have an excuse for why they keep glancing at every ding, but in reality, this is the primacy effect in action. Responding to adolescent drama, hearing the news about a math test or even getting an update on attendance at their holiday party… none of these interrupts approach the importance of using each minute of our session to move toward their stated outcome. However, they have been conditioned by that slight ding or vibration to surrender all that they value (in the big picture) to whatever is on their phone.
Here’s the real rub: Once or twice a day, there is likely no impact on our life trajectory. However, once this is happening ten or twenty times an hour, our whole life is being directed by others. With every moment we surrender our attention from what is important, and give it to the less important, we are moving away from our deeper values.
In other words, the many, many moments we have to be kind and grateful now become the very few moments to be kind and grateful. Our real values are stolen by the level of importance (i.e., the primacy effect in action) these interrupts take on in our lives. Just remember: Almost nothing is as important as we think it is, while it has our attention. Give it your attention often enough, and “it” will take over your life and your values.
Self-correction during the holidays
The holidays are a wonderful time to get back on track. We tend to hold positive intentions of love, gratitude and kindness to others. We want to be joyful, and to share that joy. So, let’s use the primacy effect to take back our lives, and to both experience and share more of what we want.
First, get clear on who you want to be, during these times. Do you want to appear stressed or relaxed and at peace? Do you want to be caught up in fear and worries, or sharing smiles and an open heart to all you meet? Decide on this, and put that intention right in front of you. Write it down, and put it so you can see it in multiple places. Then, take it step further by resolving to show up this way in your life. Remind yourself repeatedly, “I will smile, open my heart and be kind to others… regardless .”
Next, take control over the automation of your phone or computer. Shut down emails and texts for long periods of the day. Program a reminder that pops up with smile and a quote that you love. Use the primacy effect to bring you back to your base… your values and to live the life you want. Keep music playing that uplifts you. Keep the company of those who do not complain or whine about life, but instead keep looking to grow, to learn and to share deeper values.
These all seem small, and they are. However, it is the primacy effect in action. Life accumulates, and by accumulating these small moments, you can take back the holiday season to be what you want it to be.
Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His website, www. Terrific Parenting. com, offers free parenting guidance and an email newsletter. Readers can learn more by reviewing past articles found on the websites of The Saratogian, The Record and The Community News. Submit questions to DrRandyCale@gmail.com.