Everything’s super
It’s amazing how much of our lives are spent in the grocery store and how much those encounters can teach us about life. Don’t believe me? OK, let’s stroll down memory lane.
When I was 16 years old I got a job at the Price Chopper in Menands. The store is gone now but I’m pretty sure they didn’t close because of me. My first week on the job I was placed in the “produce” section and was petrified because I’d heard stories about black widow spiders hanging out in grape shipments and was worried I’d get bit. I never did, thank God, but I did learn about hard work, showing up on time and FICA.
One day while on break I decided to walk around the store and visit the other departments. I saw a child had gotten sick in the cereal aisle right near the Count Chocula. Being a good employee I immediately found the grocery manager and said, “Hi I’m John. You don’t know me but I work in produce and I noticed some kid vomitted in the cereal aisle. I thought you should know.” He put his hand on my shoulder, thanked me for my diligence and then told me to go get a mop and clean it up. I said, “But I don’t work in grocery, I work in produce.” He then explained that actually I work for Price Chopper so I was responsible for everything everywhere. I learned a hard lesson that day that I have followed every day since- never point out a problem to anyone in management that you didn’t create.
I worked late some nights and that taught me something as well. The people who deliberately work an overnight shift like peace and quiet and being left alone These individuals pull huge pallets of food into the aisles and like Lionel Richie stock shelves all night long. They wear earphones because they love listening to music and don’t want to be disturbed. If you do approach them and break their rhythm they will throw Uncle Ben’s instant rice at you. I don’t know why they throw this particular brand but it hurts if they hit you. It was here I learned throwing rice at a wedding is good while throwing rice at someone’s head is bad
After leaving my job at a supermarket (their idea not mine) I continued shopping in them of course. It’s here I learned to count up to the number 20. That’s the number of items you are allowed to bring to the selfcheckout register. Standing in line at one of those teaches you anger management, especially when you are behind someone who has 34 items? You see them trying to hide the extra items under a loaf of bread and can only roll your eyes. I mean what are you going to do call security? I’d hate to see someone get tased over an extra box of stovetop stuffing.
I’m not a big fan of the selfcheckout section because it limits what I’ll buy. If I know I have to ring myself out I am only going to buy stuff with a bar code already on it. If you think I’m going to spend five minutes looking for the secret four digit code for a kumquat you’ve got another thing coming. Plus every time I go to self-checkout I get the kid who is supposed to be supervising these transactions but is instead flirting with the girl at register four. I end up standing there holding up a pint of frozen yogurt that won’t scan trying to get his attention. I have to imagine theft is a big problem when you have one clerk trying to watch four customers pay for things and trying to get the phone number of the girl on the register at the same time.
Of course the trend now is to shop from home. I think this is fabulous for older people or those who have trouble getting around but if we’re being honest it’s not for me. I love walking around the store and discovering things to buy that I don’t need and shouldn’t eat. I mean isn’t that the joy of shopping? You go in to purchase laundry detergent and say to yourself, “Lobster claws are on sale for $2.99 a pound? That’s insane. I mean they’re giving them away.”
Another thought about supermarkets and I guarantee anyone who has ever worked in one will agree with me on this. If someone you love works in a store do not, under any circumstances, ask them to shop for you after their shift. The last thing you want to do is finish work and then stay at work getting your spouse or roommate Double Stuff Oreos. You want to run out of there like the building is on fire.
Final thought. The greatest innovation at any store is the “thunder” sound effects in the produce section when the water is about to turn on. I don’t know who came up with that but it’s brilliant. Some days I hang out near the tomatoes just waiting for the thunder. It’s the little things that make me happy.
John Gray is a news anchor on WXXA-Fox TV 23 and ABC’S WTEN News Channel 10. His column is published every Wednesday. Email him at johngray@fox23news.com.