Fade to Gray: If I ran a TV network

Every time the lottery jackpot gets up to a half billion dollars I do what every red blooded American does, I go out and buy a ticket knowing I don’t have a snowball’s chance in July of winning. Still it’s nice to dream. What would you do with all that money?

As I sit at my desk and watch what the media does on a daily basis I am tempted to toss my television out the window. I wrote a column a couple of weeks back about how I missed the days when CNN just did news. I took one of their reporters to task for his “performance art” disguised as journalism and I got a couple of nasty letters. Not surprising. But it’s not just the news; much of what the networks pump out under the title “entertainment” is pretty awful. I wonder if I couldn’t do better if I was in charge.

I was thinking if I won a half billion or so I could buy a TV network and put on all the stuff I think is lacking. Let’s start with news. How would I change things? Well, every day, and I mean every single day, unless the Russians bomb the White House or a plane crashes, the lead story would be on the opioid crisis in this country. Why? Consider these the tragic numbers. The Centers for Disease Control says last year roughly 72,000 Americans died from a drug overdose. Let that settle in for a second. To appreciate the sheer scale of it consider that we lost about 58,000 in the Vietnam War. Picture that wall in Washington with all those veteran’s names. Now imagine it with an extra 14,000 added on and you have to build a new wall every year for the new casualties.

It should be the lead story every night because more than any other news it affects every family; yet often it is an afterthought. Those numbers from the CDC were just released on August 15th but did you see them on the evening news? Probably not. We should fix that.

The second item that should be in every evening newscast is the violence in our inner cities, specifically Chicago. Every weekend it is literally a shooting gallery with a minimum of 50 people shot, a handful killed. And not all of them are gang members. The collateral damage is heartbreaking. How sad is it that owning a funeral home in the Windy City could be considered a growth industry.

OK enough with news let’s talk entertainment. If I ran a network I’d eliminate all reality programming. These shows where people prostitute them- selves for 15 minutes of fame on a dating show; finished. I’ll sound Pollyannaish or perhaps just dinosaurish (I just made that word up) but I feel blessed that I grew up at a time when shows like “Little House on the Prairie” and “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” filled the screen. Wholesome programs with a moral message. Are we really so advanced that shows like that can’t find a home in our homes?

Back in college when I learned about computer programming I was taught the phrase “garbage in, garbage out.” Why is it we think that only applies to a computer? The trash that children are bombarded with every day on television directly impacts how they view the world. So if I owned a TV network characters with names like Half-Pint, Mrs. Beasley and Marcia, Marcia, Marcia would be making a comeback.

If I ran a network I’d also tell Jerry Seinfeld he has to do another sitcom. His original show is still one of the funniest things we’ve seen in the past 50 years and I think he has another 30 episodes left in him. It’s not like the guy playing Kramer is busy anyway. So more Seinfeld.

The morning shows are OK but I’d tell them to try to do at least ten minutes of serious news before they break into the segments on, “How to properly cut a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Perhaps they could do more stories on real heroes, like teachers, nurses, people working at hospice. I’d like less Kardashian type segments if you catch my drift.

What else? Oh, “The West Wing.” I’d bring back reruns of “The West Wing” and run them nightly because a world without Toby Ziegler and Josh Lyman is a world diminished of greatness. If you’ve never watched the show I insist you go find it right now. It’s what the presidency looked like before Twitter.

All of these suggestions are not to imply there aren’t some great shows on TV today. I’ve heard amazing things about a show called “This is Us” and one of my co-workers swears by the drama “Blue Bloods.” Plus game shows like “Wheel of Fortune,” “Jeopardy” and “Family Feud” are still fun to watch after all these years, even if I can’t get a single question right from Alex Trebeck. “Give me idiot TV anchors for $500, Alex.”

So those are my plans. If you’ll excuse me I have to go buy my Lotto ticket.