I have decided to be offended
What have you decided to be offended about today? Yes, decided! I’ll explain below. Is it comments about sexual orientation, religion, race, politics, parenting, immigration, gun control, or the verbal abuse of broccoli? Yes, we seem to be in an angry universe where many people decide to be upset about something every day. In fact, there are some that think that there day isn’t complete unless they are offended.
I have friends and acquaintances that say things that would offend Mother Theresa, but we all tolerate each other’s comments and laugh at how goofy we are. We rarely decide to become offended. Friends usually understand that friends aren’t really malicious but just playfully trying to press buttons.
The group of friends/acquaintances that I mentioned above is ultra conservative. The last time I saw them I wore a Hillary 2016 t-shirt left over from the election. Before that, when they were trashing immigration policies, I wore a Pedro for President T-shirt. I love to get them going.
Unfortunately, even friends go too far with comments that are way out of line and offense seems warranted. I have a friend who can make such inappropriate comments about race, culture, and sexual orientation that I make sure we are not sitting near anyone when we dine out.
During an evening outdoor meal at a local restaurant, I impulsively asked a regular customer what offended him. Frank said directly, “The words Guinea or Dago. They show disrespect and insult my Italian family.” He said that ethnic slurs, toward any nationality, deserve an immediate response.
Every day you can see the irony, humor and anger when people are offended. I saw some lady who decided to become offended when there was no price on the avocado she picked in the produce section of a local super market. I watched her bark at one of the workers. It was hilarious and sad at the same time.
Some local people are very offended when homeless people are around their streets. This seems more offensive to those who live in an area where you can smell money. Snide comments like, “Why don’t they get a job” or ” Why aren’t elected officials taking care of this?” are common.
The current political climate seems to breed people being offended daily. I just visited close friends in New York and my friend’s Latina wife said, “This may be the last time I see you because of the plan for a wall.” She laughed after I said, “You are from Columbia not Mexico.” Friends make stupid comments all the time. Maybe that is what helps them to bond and deal with the inordinate amount of stressors in daily life.
I asked one of my friends, who seems a lot smarter than the rest of my gang, what he thought. He said, “I can’t control what other people say or do, only how I react. If I take offense, then I am losing my sense of peace. So if someone says something stupid, I might try to correct them, but they can’t control how I feel.”
One of my old psychology textbooks seems to agree with my friend’s perspective. It states, “Between the event like teasing and the feelings of embarrassment and anger your self-talk and your beliefs about the event color the way that you feel.” I agree. It is not “you are what you eat” but “you are what you think.”
Before I retired from teaching, I had a picture on my desk of a guy standing in front of his tombstone. On the stone it said, “I just came here to laugh.” I am fortunate that humor has always helped me to cope with life’s offenses and challenges.
John Ostwald is professor emeritus of psychology at Hudson Valley Community College in Troy. Email him at jrostwald33@gmail.com.