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Now that the horrendous election mid-terms are behind us can we all just take a breath? Thank you. If your candidates won; congratulations. If your candidates lost; oh well, they should have knocked on more doors I guess. Either way we can now go back to watching TV commercials that tell us, “puppies and babies not included.” I’ll bet you’ll be glad to see them instead of the political nonsense.
Before we put 2018 into the dust bin of history I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t offer up a few observations and make a couple suggestions to make the next election more tolerable. Let’s call it my post-election top ten.
1) No matter what office you run for you need to spread out your signs. Putting six signs for the same candidate on the same patch of grass is stupid and redundant. Pick a spot, plop a sign down and move on.
2) All political signs must be removed by noon the day after Election Day. No exceptions. If you don’t get them up then we lock you in a room with Elizabeth Warren and Donald Trump as they discuss her Native American heritage.
3) You can’t use my voice in any of your political ads. Antonio Delgado ran a commercial bashing John Faso and they took a clip of “yours truly” from a newscast a year ago and used it out of context. It made it sound like I favored one candidate over another. I didn’t. When it comes to these things I’m Switzerland; in other words neutral. By the way when my boss called to complain Delgado’s people blamed it on the Dtriple-C. When we sent them a letter asking them to knock it off but the commercial kept running anyway. Politicians, please, keep me out of your campaigns.
4) If you want my vote you can’t show up once every four years. I noticed a few of the candidates have been MIA since the last election and then all the sudden twenty minutes before midnight they appear on my TV screen asking me to vote for them. Stop by once in a while and say hello when you don’t need something from me.
5) Stop giving away candy at the polling places. Listen, we know you’re trying to be nice but Election Day comes less than a week after Halloween and we all ate too much candy. The last thing we need is another Skittle.
6) If you want to run for any office in any town please live there for a few years first. How many are in a few? How about at least three years. I know what the election rules say but I’m talking to you as a human being now. You can’t have a clue about a place or the people who live there if you haven’t lived there for a bit. Let us see you at the local Hannaford, little league field or church and get to know you. When you buy a house and declare you are running for office ten minutes later it makes us feel used.
7) We have to start caring about the opioid crisis in this country. Pollsters asked voters what their top five concerns were going into the election and they named things like healthcare, immigration and gun control. The opioid crisis was not in the top five even though it killed more people last year and we lost in the Vietnam war. To ignore this is insanity. I pray our elected officials turn their attention to this crisis that is destroying families.
8) Just because Donald Trump is rude doesn’t mean you can be rude. Recently a kid on Saturday Night Live mocked a disabled vet. When people complained, instead of blaming the guy on SNL, I kept hearing, “Well Trump created this atmosphere” or “Trump has said a lot worse.” One person’s bad behavior doesn’t excuse yours. I thought we learned this in kindergarten.
9) Leave people alone in restaurants. I know emotions run high and there are candidates we all don’t like but when they are out with their families trying to have a meal please leave them be. Stand outside with a sign that says, “Senator So and So’s breath smells like a monkey’s fart” if you want but let them eat in peace. And last but not least...
10) Donald Trump has to go on Saturday Night Live and do a skit where he plays Alec Baldwin wrestling with a guy over a parking space. Now that’s funny on so many levels.
So those are my suggestions. Try not to lose your mind over this election stuff. Take it from me, no matter who wins, the sun will still rise, buttered popcorn will still taste yummy at the movies and America is the greatest place to live. You were born lucky, never forget that.
John Gray is a news anchor on WXXA-Fox TV 23 and ABC’S WTEN News Channel 10. His column is published every Wednesday. Email him at johngray@fox23news.com.