Crushing on a friend
DEARANNIE>> “Jeremy” and I have known each other for a few years and hung out as friends in group settings. Last year, he moved to my neighborhood, and we started occasionally grabbing a drink after work or carpooling to mutual friends’ things together. We have gotten to know each other really well, and at this point, I consider him among my closest friends. But a few months ago, I started to develop feelings for him — getting excited and nervous before seeing him, happy when he sends me text messages, etc.
I am not sure, but I think he likes me, too. He contacts me almost every day, and I’ve noticed he hasn’t gone on a date in a few months. He used to go out with women from dating apps pretty regularly. Maybe I’m reading into it too much. But even if I’m not and he does like me back, I want to stamp this out before it goes any further. He’s such a good friend, and I would hate to mess that up. How do I get over this and get back to our friendship?
— Crushing Friend
DEARCRUSHINGFRIEND >> The value you place on friendship is admirable and wise. But you have feelings for Jeremy, and that fact changes the dynamics, whether or not you confess them. There’s no putting that genie back in the bottle.
If you should persuade yourself to move on without saying something, a part of you would always wonder what would have happened if you had. It’s the things we don’t do in life that we regret the most.
So say something. Tell Jeremy how you feel.
If it should turn out he doesn’t feel the same, take some space and allow yourself to move on. You might find in a few months that you have no romantic feelings for him and can continue being friends, or you might never be close friends in the way you are now, and that would be OK, too. Sometimes Cupid’s arrow points our lives in different directions, and it’s nobody’s fault.
And if he does reciprocate your feelings, you may have just found a soul mate. There’s no better foundation for a longterm relationship than friendship.
DEARANNIE >> To me, “Stripped” sounded as if she was concerned about a possible personality change. I would have asked her to check with her doctor to make sure she doesn’t have a chemical imbalance or a tumor. I would not want a sudden change in habit to be overlooked. — Diane
DEARDIANE >> You bring up a great point about the letter from “Stripped.” A sudden personality change can indeed be the canary in the coal mine for health issues, and I appreciate your writing. The following is another response to her letter.
DEARANNIE>> I also am 69 years old and find that getting naked for a while during the day is very relaxing. I think your assessment of the situation was spot on. Years ago, when many people our age were raising families, there was no privacy to speak of, so we just didn’t do it. Now, with no distractions, we can. I think “Stripped” is very normal, and truth be known, there are many more doing the same thing but keeping it to themselves.
— Stripped Also
DEAR STRIPPED ALSO>> It seems that this is a common habit, and aside from the point that Diane made in the previous letter, it seems totally harmless — provided that proper privacy measures are taken, of course.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information.