The fish that couldn’t swim
It’s rare that I issue a parental warning with one of my columns but if you are reading this week’s column out loud and there are any young children in your proximity I strongly urge you to shoo them away because what I’m about to tell you could very well scar their tiny souls.
It is a true story although when the facts unfold you are going to laugh to yourself and say, “He’s lying, there’s no way this really happened.” But I assure you faithful reader, what I’m about to tell you is painfully true.
If you read this paper or watch the news on television you have no doubt seen the city of Troy is taking down the Mount Ida Dam. It is an appropriate name for the structure because all those who live in that area or enjoy the pond the structure creates uttered that exact word then they heard it was being torn down; “Damn!”
This column is not about the dam but an incident that happened at the dam roughly 44 years ago. Cue time machine.
I grew up in South Troy and could walk to the water that sits behind the Mount Ida Dam from my home. It was a simple childhood filled with PopTarts, the Three Stooges and a simple aquarium that sat next to my bed. I loved that little aquarium because the dim light served as a wonderful nightlight in my bedroom and whenever I couldn’t sleep I could simply watch the fish dart about and it would fill the empty hours.
My brother was not the aquarium type of kid, he had a snapping turtle. I’m not sure if they are even legal nowadays but back then they were. Heck, there was even a pet store in Latham that had a full grown monkey named “Jimmy” who would throw poop at the customers if they stared at him too long. What can I say, we didn’t have video games in the early 70’s but we did have Jimmy the poop tossing monkey.
Anyway, so I had cute fish in my tiny tank and my brother had a mean turtle that ate fish for his meals. My brother would buy what they call “feeder fish” which are nothing like aquarium fish. This is a significant piece of information as you are about to see in a moment.
Every day I would see his feeder fish swimming around knowing that today could be their last day before they became a mid-day snack. I felt bad for them and knew if I kidnapped all of them I’d be in trouble but I also knew he wouldn’t miss one fish if it suddenly went missing. So, I stole one of those feeder fish and put him in my tank with my fish.
I mentioned feeder fish are different and it turns out this one was a baby carp who began to grow and grow. Soon my regular fish were hiding in terror behind the fake sunken treasure chest at the bottom of my tank. Houston, we had a problem. I couldn’t put him back with the snapping turtle (that could be cruel) and he couldn’t stay in my tank for fear he might eat everyone.
Which brings us back to the Mount Ida Dam. I decided the best solution was to release the fish I save back into the wild to go live a free carp life. So, I placed him in my mom’s best Tupperware bowl with some water and set off on my mission of love. I called it “operation Flipper.”
When I got to the pond I said, “Goodbye my little flipper friend,” as I poured him into the murky water. For a second I thought he looked back and gave me a smile and a little fishy wink.
Then it happened. Living his entire life in captivity the fish didn’t know how to swim against a current so he instantly turned on his side and was being pulled away. This wouldn’t have been a big deal if not for the waterfall about thirty yards away.
As I ran down the shoreline screaming, “SWIMDAMN YOU, SWIM!!” I could only watch in horror as Flipper went over. If fish had fingers I’m pretty certain which one he would have raised up to send me a final message.
I’d like to think he made it, grew up, got married to a trout and together they had tiny fish babies but I know better. There’s no sugarcoating this. I tried to save him and I sent him to his watery grave.
To this day I can’t pass a Ted’s Fish Fry without getting a tiny pang of guilt in my stomach. I still stop and get lunch; I mean have you had their onion rings? I think “Flipper” would want me to go live on.