Full house causes holiday drama
DEARANNIE » I have two sons. One of them, “Brock,” is divorced, but you would never know it from the way he and his ex, “Sandra,” spend time together, especially around the holidays. When they were married, Brock adopted Sandra’s daughter, and they had one son together. I love Sandra, and I’m glad that she and Brock have remained not only civil but friends.
One of the reasons that Brock and Sandra got divorced was because she had poor boundaries with her friend “Amanda.” Amanda and her extended family all lived with Brock and Sandra. Amanda has several grown children, two granddaughters who are in middle school and an infant grandson. Sandra ended up taking care of the kids a lot.
Now, my problem: Every holiday, (SET ITAL)all (END ITAL) of these kids, grandkids and significant others come to my house. They eat, sit around and take up all the room. At Christmas, I buy a gift for them because I don’t want them to feel left out when my family opens their gifts. My other son and his wife, daughter and son either don’t come out (claiming he has to work) or they come out much later. Recently, this son told me that the chaos with Amanda’s family is the reason.
Amanda and her family have been coming over for years and expect the tradition. But we are talking about eight extra people at every event. I don’t have time to enjoy my real family, as everyone is so spread out. Next year, how do I stop all of these people from coming over?
— Overcapacity
DEAR OVER CAPACITY: I’VE GOT A NEW YEAR’ S RESOLUTION FOR YOU: ADD “NO” TO YOUR VOCABULARY. YOU’VE BEEN EXTREMELY ACCOMMODATING TO SANDRA AND HER GUESTS FOR ALONG TIME; THAT DOESN’ T MEAN YOU CAN’ T SET BOUNDARIES NOW. TALK TO SANDRA AND YOUR SON( IN PERSON, IF POSSIBLE, AND ON THE PHONE, IF NOT) ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL: YOU’D LIKE MORE TIME TO VISIT WITH THEM AND THEIR KID SAT CHRISTMAS, SO YOU’D LIKE TO KEEP IT TO JUST FAMILY NEXT YEAR. TRY TO KEEP THE CONVERSATION UP BEAT— BUT BE FIRM. KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT THE BAD GUY FOR HAVING BOUNDARIES. IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT, PUT YOURSELF IN SANDRA’S SHOES » How would you feel if your mother-in-law asked you to stop bringing eight extra guests to her house for the holidays?
DEARANNIE » I recently received an inheritance from a relative who passed away, and I was quite surprised and honored. What is the best way to thank the immediate family for this generosity? I have never experienced this before and want to make sure I do the right thing.
— Kevin
DEAR KEVIN » I am sorry for your loss. What a lovely surprise for your relative to have honored you with such a gift. He or she must have thought highly of you.
While it’s a nice impulse to want to express your gratitude to his or her family, matters of inheritance can be prickly and sensitive. The person to whom you really owe your thanks, the deceased relative, is no longer here, but you can still express your gratitude: by praying to him or her, by visiting his or her resting place or by donating a small amount of the inheritance toward a relevant cause, for example. Perhaps the most meaningful way to honor him or her, though, is simply to live with gratitude in your heart — which you’re already doing.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
togian, Sunday December 23, 2018 we noted that we believed that despite this somewhat hawkish tone from Chair Powell that “the Fed will remain dovish for a longer period of time than investors anticipate,” certainly implying that this would be bullish for equities. This turned out to be fairly accurate as during the first quarter of 2019, the Fed ended their hawkish rhetoric and began to suggest that there would be no rate hikes for the balance of the year.
This change in tune from the fed has helped increase investor appetite for risk, thus pushing stocks to their current record level.
As we approach the end of what will most likely end up as one in which the S&P 500, including dividends rose more than 25% it is important to not get too giddy, to remember that investing is a marathon and not a sprint. We also liken it to a good marriage – you go into it knowing that there will be ups and downs, there will be minor spats as well as knock- down drag- outs. However, you also know that over the long- term there is nothing better.
With investing, you know there have been countless minor corrections as well as bear markets. Rest assured, the future will hold more of both. It is for these reasons that successful investors recognize the following.
The stock market historically corrects by at least ten percent on average once every year or so. We would expect next year, a Presidential Election year to be volatile. We will keep a close eye on which candidate emerges from the Democratic side.
We believe if it is either Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders, it will prove problematic for the equity markets. The market will most likely take anybody else in stride.
Corrections and bear markets are part of the process. Even including the bear market of 2008, the S&P 500 has averaged nearly nine percent annually over the last fifteen years. You would be wise to not lose sight of this.
The VAST majority of bear markets are not as calamitous as was the one in 2008. Don’t let the ghost of bear markets past have too much influence on your asset allocation in the future.
After this year we believe it is time to certainly count your blessings, but also reset your expectations for 2020. When stocks decline as we are certain they will sometime in 2020, remember that this is part of the process. It is the reason that stocks historically outperform other asset classes over a full economic cycle. We expect this time to be no different.
In closing we wish to extend our sincerest warm wishes to all for a very Happy Holiday Season!
Please note that all data is for general information purposes only and not meant as specific recommendations. The opinions of the authors are not a recommendation to buy or sell the stock, bond market or any security contained therein. Securities contain risks and fluctuations in principal will occur. Please research any investment thoroughly prior to committing money or consult with your financial advisor. Please note that Fagan Associates, Inc. or related persons buy or sell for itself securities that it also recommends to clients. Consult with your financial advisor prior to making any changes to your portfolio. To contact Fagan Associates, Please call (518) 2791044.