Controlling husband limits family time
DEARANNIE » Once a year, I spend a weekend over at my son’s house to babysit my grandkids. They always take a trip for their anniversary so my son asks me in advance. I don’t mind because I really don’t get to see them often.
My husband has a real issue with this. I would let them come stay with us, but we always have company and there really isn’t much here for them to do. My husband threatens to leave me every time, and he literally stops talking to me. Am I doing something wrong? He always makes me pick — him or my grandkids. Please tell me how to better handle the situation.
— Grumpy Gramp
DEARGRAM » The saddest thing in your letter is that your husband is missing out on the joy and beauty of being a grandparent. You are not doing anything wrong while he is doing everything wrong. Making you pick between him and the grandkids is immature — and incredibly controlling. Him wanting you only to himself, not allowing you to have other people (even your grandchildren) bring you joy, is a huge red flag.
This controlling relationship is isolating you from friends and family. Your husband is hurling veiled or overt threats against you. Saying that he will leave you for spending time with your grandkids is one of those threats. His actions are more than just grumpy; they are toxic. Reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-7997233 for support.
DEARANNIE » of not first. praised they take so even six dysfunctional a know criticism bring These child. children. for everything, up being two My I well. any am I mother sisters am that twins. sort the One in it youngest and have of my had is of They sensitive impossible the 50s, they twin always act twins so do child girls as I sub- not been am if is to
other anything. not have When go realized twin to I family It cannot pleads has that gatherings gotten take with when it me so I anymore, do bad not at go, times. that to I say worry the I will I about before ter (not my I a go. twin) hair I have and that been what I need told I am to by wearing stand a sis- my ground not realize and I say asked something for your like, opinion.” “I did I know not leave if I me do that, alone. then She my will sister say that will she didn’t mean any offense by what she said. But she’ll keep talking about it the whole time I am there.
If I know she will not change, should I stand up for myself or keep my head down?
— Youngest Sister
DEAR YOUNGEST SISTER» You should stick up for yourself. What she is doing is bullying, and a bully doesn’t stop until they see that you are strong enough to stick up for yourself. Continue going to your family parties and remember that what your sister says doesn’t matter because your sister is being mean and insensitive. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So, don’t consent!
I am sorry that you are dealing with such mean remarks. It also sounds like her twin is enabling this type of bulling behavior by walking on eggshells around her. You don’t have to anymore you can stand up for yourself. How someone treats you says a lot more about that person than it does about you.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.