Shower her with gratitude
DEAR ANNIE » My girlfriend has done a lot for my family and me, but they show little enthusiasm for her. How can I get them to appreciate her more and to reciprocate what she has done? I live in fear of them attacking her or being cynical about romance itself.
She has helped me to get a raise, helped me get a job, written letters to my family, gotten me a huge discount on rent, given my family free food and done other great things.
— Lazy and Ungrateful In- laws
DEAR LAZY AND UNGRATEFUL IN-LAWS »
Your girlfriend sounds wonderful and very generous with both her time and finances. Congrats on finding what sounds like a keeper.
As far as your ungrateful parents are concerned, you should speak with them directly and express your concerns. If they continue to be ungrateful, then it might be time to pull back on your girlfriend’s generosity. Instead of focusing on your parents, try and focus on your gratitude toward her. I can feel your love and appreciation through this letter.
Let go of your expectations of your parents and spoil her. Take her out to a nice dinner (or, since we’re still in lockdown times, cook her a nice dinner), or surprise her with flowers. Just something to tell her you love and appreciate her.
DEAR ANNIE » I have been married for 24 years, and I found out in August that my wife has been involved in an affair since last January. I found out by going through her text messages and confronted her about it. She admitted to it but said that it has not gotten more physical than kissing. Now we are separated because she wouldn’t end it, but I still love her.
I am alone now, and she, of course, is still in her relationship outside our marriage, but I would really love to have my family back together. She said that the reason she did it is because she just doesn’t love me that way anymore. I am so confused how someone can give up on a marriage that they have been in for half of their life. I have my faults, but I am certainly a good man and have sacrificed so much for my family.
She has agreed to go out to dinner with me, and I am so nervous and excited that I don’t even know what to talk about at dinner. Any advice as to what to do?
— Alone and Confused
DEAR ALONE AND CONFUSED » I am so sorry you are going through this. It is understandable that you still love her. When you have dinner with her, ask if she would be open to going to marriage counseling to try to save your marriage.
If she says no and that she wants to stay in her affair, it is time for you to walk away. Seek the help of a professional therapist for yourself. You sound like a wonderful, thoughtful and loving man with a great deal to offer. I have no doubt you will either rekindle with your wife or find true love with someone else.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette - is available as a paperback and e- book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.