Simple gesture made a difference

DEARANNIE »

Years ago, I read the toilet seat debate in the Ann Landers column. It featured women upset about men leaving the toilet seat up after use and men defensive about it.

— Caring in Spokane

DEARCARING » I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure your thoughtfulness was something your wife loved about you. At a time when many couples have been cooped up together for months, your letter is a reminder to be kind to each other in every way we can, while we can.

DEARANNIE » I’ve been in this relationship with a guy for four years. I think I can count on both hands how many times he’s said he loves me. I’ve always questioned his love for me. He barely touches me. If I touch him, he jumps away from me, but when he’s ready to be affectionate, I’m always available to him. The last time we were intimate was many months ago.

Another thing that concerns me: Whenever we have conflict, he always threatens to leave. I told him that I don’t appreciate the threats and that I would never ask a partner to leave unless I actually wanted him to go.

The last time he threatened to leave, I told him to leave and that I would help him pack. So far, he’s stopped with the threats since then.

I’m 49 years old, and I just can’t see myself wasting another year with this type of relationship. It’s hard and depressing, especially during the pandemic. I feel like he’s a manipulator and needs to go. What should I do?

— Feeling Unloved

DEARFEELINGUNLOVED

» I don’t think that you need me to tell you what to do. You’re just having trouble actually doing it. My advice: Stop thinking of the last four years as a waste. Far from helping you gin up the courage to leave, that mindset may actually paralyze you into staying. Instead, consider that the relationship offered valuable lessons and growth (and, hopefully, some happy memories), but it’s no longer serving you. The sooner you end this, the sooner you’ll be onward and upward.

DEARANNIE » The letter from “CRC Survivor,” who only found out he had colon cancer when he went to donate blood, brings up two great points: The first is the importance of donating blood on a regular basis, since blood is always in short supply; the second is the value of routine colonoscopy, since colon cancer can be completely silent, I remember Katie Couric promoting it after her husband died at a young age from colon cancer. I hope that your readers follow your advice.

— Haridas

DEARHARIDAS » The American Red Cross is in critical need of blood and plasma donations right now — particularly from COVID-19 survivors, whose plasma can help people fighting COVID-19 now. You can go to https://www.redcrossblood.org to sign up for an appointment.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing. com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.