Ditching the cheating boyfriend
DEAR ANNIE » My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. Everything was good until three years ago when a woman contacted me to tell me that she’d been seeing him.
She apologized to me for it. After we got off the phone, I found her on Facebook and realized that they’d been “liking” each other’s posts for years. She even posted a photo of them together, and someone had commented making a sexual joke about them. They’d both replied and laughed.
So, I confronted my boyfriend, and he stopped — or so I thought. Then, six months ago, I found charges on his credit card statement for some local hotel! I confronted him, and he brushed it off, said it hadn’t been him.
We have smart security cameras at our front and back door, and ever since I confronted him about the middle-of-the-night hotel charges, he’s disabled my ability to access the camera feeds from my phone. But I can always tell when he’s with her because he won’t answer his phone. (Otherwise, he always answers his phone.) I just hate the thought that the last 10 years were for nothing.
— Had It Up to Here
DEAR HIUTH » Make decisions based on your future, not on your past.
You’re caught up in the sunk cost fallacy — continuing your current relationship just because you’ve already spent so much time in it and don’t want it to have been a waste. The thing is, it wasn’t really a waste. Consider the good moments you’ve had, even with your boyfriend. Consider the tough, character-building moments, too. It’s all added up to a meaningful period of growth and lessons you can take into the next decade — after leaving this lecher in the last. Which you must do, pronto.,
DEAR ANNIE » In response to “In a Quagmire,” the gentleman who had difficulty using a computer: Computers confound me to no end. I enjoy my games and texting on my phone. I tweet a bit. But when it comes to any task where I’m expected to have the least amount of computer skills, it’s incredibly frustrating — as frustrating as not being able to get a “real” person on the phone to help me. I graduated high school summa cum laude but that has no influence on my computer skill, and “In A Quagmire” needn’t question his smarts. I just accept it as a place where I need help. Selfprofessed computer geeks are usually willing to step in and help. And in this day and age, if you have a child, grandchild, niece or nephew, they’re often able to help.
— J. Mac
DEAR J. MAC » I heard lots of sympathetic feedback for “Quagmire,” including the following practical tip for adults who have struggled to get the hang of computers despite years of trying and lessons.
DEAR ANNIE » To “In a Quagmire,” his problem might be that he’s being taught by people who are not dyslexic! It takes one to teach one. We come at things differently. I’m about his age and also graduated from college with honors. And I’m dyslexic. I managed to somewhat teach myself to use a computer. The other people who had attempted to teach me to use one — my husband, my techie son and others — didn’t “see” things the way I did. However, beyond finding an instructor with dyslexia, my solution is: Get an iPad or other tablet. Anybody can use an app, even small children. Now I’m a wiz and even teach my husband how to do it! And I just pretend that I only use an iPad because it’s a far superior device — ha! — A.F.
DEAR A.F. » I’m happy to share your practical tip for “In a Quagmire.” If anyone else has suggestions, I’ll print them here, too.