We all have a choice: Changing the predictable mind

Our brains are remarkably more complex than any machine, computer, or artificial intelligence that we have created.

There is a learning capacity for humans that involves sight, sound, smell, touch, sensation, and movement. All that input is organized into an inner world of memories, thoughts, visualization, beliefs, and emotions.

Okay. ‘So what,’ you might be saying?

Well, this fantastic machine on top of our shoulders performs many functions, most of which are not covered in this article. However, from a psychological point of view, one of the main functions the mind performs is making predictions based upon the past. Many times, these predictions are helpful and accurate. However, too often, this predicting mind is inaccurate, biased, and misleading.

Struggles With the Inaccurate, Predicting Mind

Let’s consider some of the practical ways the mind misleads us and causes us to struggle. First, something happens to us, and we become fearful, anxious, or upset somehow. Or perhaps, the event is painful, and we are hurt from it. While the fear, pain, or upset of the moment is often over quickly, the mind now takes over.

1. The Meaning Maker Next, the mind instantly goes about making meaning of the event. We might consider the event to be ‘just a moment’ and quickly forget about it. Or, we might conclude that this was not our fault and had nothing to do with us. We might even realize that our upset was unnecessary and see the humor in the moment.

The alternative could also be valid. We consider this to be horrific, and we keep revisiting the emotion of the moment. We could blame ourselves, judge ourselves and feel guilt or shame. We could blame others with harsh judgments of anger.

Indeed, this touches the surface of a vast array of possible interpretations that could unfold from such moments. We know that the variety of interpretations are considerable, as we find children and adults bring very different conclusions to the same experience. You have probably seen this yourself in watching and listening to how others respond to their life. I emphasize this because it is critical to notice that meanings can vary significantly in the degree to which they are upsetting or traumatizing.

Perhaps more important is how we now continue to make this past meaningful (or not) to our present lives. For example:

• Did this mean that something is wrong with me?

• Am I deserving of ease and love in my life, or not?

• Is it now safe to be me, or should I stay hidden from the world?

• Am I lovable? Am I worthy?

• Can I show how I really feel? Be emotional and still be okay?

Once we understand this, we can begin to see the different levels of meaning and perhaps start to unpack the implications for our lives. You can see this with your children, and likely in your own life.

2. We Make Predictions

Based Upon the Meaning of the Past

This is probably intuitively obvious at this point. But it is critical to see the relationship between the meanings we have made of the past and how our minds now create misery for the future. It’s important to note that we cant’ stop our minds (at least it’s not easy) from making predictions.

We naturally start to think worried thoughts about a phone call based upon how we made meaning of past phone calls. We get anxious about a job interview based upon the meaning we have made from other interviews where things didn’t go well in our minds. We show up late to the family gathering because we predict that we will have a conflict with our sibling again, based upon struggles in the past.

3. Yet, Worry, Fear, and Stress Are Not Preparation.

The mind worries, and we think we are preparing. We get afraid and review everything a hundred times, and again we are not preparing. Instead, we are getting stressed. Perhaps we get our guard up with our family as if this is protecting us, in readiness for an argument or conflict. Your children might get stressed about schoolwork or a test, and again, this does not prepare them.

Here is where the mind fails us: We think we are preparing for problems. In reality, we are getting stressed in advance of any stress. Do we perform better? Are we more effective, better problem solvers? Are we kinder, more compassionate when stressed?

No. Or course not. 4. Worse Yet: Our State of Mind is Now a Magnet for Similar Emotions.

When our predicting mind readies us into a state of stressfulness or worry, we are now ready to resonate and entrain with similar thoughts that amplify stress. Thus, our minds can quickly ‘get on a roll’ and feed us a truckload of thoughts that lead to growing worry and overwhelm.

When we meet others, this stressful, anxious state typically pulls for similar emotional states in those we meet, thus exacerbating our struggles. Again, we often want others to resonate with our pain or stress, comparable to a magnet pulling for a similar state of mind.

In this way, we seem to bring out the stress others are feeling with effortless ease. Unfortunately, in these moments, the stress of others could easily be turned upon us as they unload their emotional negativity toward us

So, how do we change this? Awareness is the first step. But usually, not enough. Thus, next week, we will dive into this more, exploring how we can change the ultimate predictions, so they serve us more. For now, notice the meanings made from past events. Then, become aware of HOW your ‘predicting mind’ limits your flexibility in responding with ease and confidence to your present life.

Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His website, www.TerrificParenting. com, offers free parenting guidance and an email newsletter. Readers can learn more by reviewing past articles found on the websites of The Saratogian, The Record and The Community News. Submit questions to DrRandyCale@gmail.com