The stress of a stay-at-home mom
DEAR ANNIE » I recently got married to the father of my youngest child, and so far, nothing is going as planned.
Some background: When we discovered I miraculously got pregnant with my third child (his first), he wanted me to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom.
I didn’t like the idea, and I kept my foot down until she was a few months old. Between staffing shortages and reduced hours at the day care and my oldest son’s behavioral issues, we broached the subject again.
He reassured me constantly he’d take care of the finances, and I pepped myself up for my new role.
We quickly eloped, despite my reluctance, so the kids and I could be on his insurance, and in the meantime, I worked part time from home until they could find a replacement for me and supplemented our income.
I’ll spare the details, as this is quite long, but for the past twoish months we’ve been married, the insurance payments were more than he told me, and he started taking on fewer projects, which meant he made less money. It was stressful, and without my parttime work, bills wouldn’t have gotten paid.
Well, unbeknownst to me, he started applying for local jobs, and he now has an interview set for Monday. The pay is even less per month than he is making now, and it will force me to go back to work full time. Working in and of itself isn’t a problem, but my company has already hired my replacement, so I will have to start the job search while taking care of the kids during the day.
Right now I am feeling hurt, betrayed, lied to and deceived. I am trying not to act rash, but I feel forced into a corner. I attempted to talk to him and was met with, “It’s difficult to be sympathetic toward you.”
I feel like the man I’ve been with for the last three years is gone and has been replaced by someone I don’t recognize. What do I do? How can I ever feel anything but resentment at this time?
— Resentment In Idaho
DEAR RESENTMENT »
Clearly, things did not go according to your husband’s plan. What happened to him? Why has he changed so drastically? A good couples therapist might be able to help the two of you sort through your resentments. In addition, you and your husband should sit down and review all your monthly expenses to make sure you are both on the same page. He may not be sympathetic now, but numbers don’t lie. He’ll need to take on more projects or accept a new job offer pronto.
In addition, you and your husband should sit down and review all your monthly expenses to make sure you are both on the same page. He may not be sympathetic now, but numbers don’t lie. He’ll need to take on more projects or accept a new job offer pronto.