A religious divide

DEAR ANNIE >> My husband, who is serving in the Army, is loving and caring and is a wonderful father to his two children. He works hard for his family. He just has one flaw: He has a very strong contempt for the Roman Catholic Church.

My family raised me Catholic, but I left the church because of a lack of interest. I consider myself a part-timer (attending during holidays). When I brought up about how he felt about getting married in a church, he went into a tirade. I never brought up the subject again.

When our son was born, I considered having a baptism at my church because it’s a tradition in my family — and he threatened to leave. I asked him why he has such strong feelings about this, wondering whether something happened in his past. He finally told me that when he was a child, he was close to a priest who ended up taking advantage of him. It was a shock. He requested that I not share this with anyone. I decided to honor his wishes.

Now I just had my daughter. His family and my family would like to have a baptism, but I do not want to go against his wishes. Forget about having it in a non-Catholic way, because I’d end up disappointing my family. I am torn between what my family wants and what my husband wants. I hate being the middle woman and just don’t want to do it at all. DEAR TORN >> Instead of considering yourself the “middle woman,” you might want to think of yourself as the leader of the pack. Take it upon yourself to find a counselor with whom you and your husband can discuss this matter and with whom your husband might continue to meet one-on-one. He must address the anger and hurt that this horrible trauma inflicted on him. The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests offers many resources, from free downloadable literature to a directory of support groups. Visit http://www.snapnetwork. org for more information. DEAR ANNIE >> I was disappointed in your response to the 25-yearold woman whose friend wants to go to parties given by men she doesn’t really know. The friend admitted that she didn’t know the people throwing one party that well but said they would have “good beer and hot guys.” You told the letter writer to “loosen up” and be “less judgmental.” Do you not read the news or watch TV? Last night on TV, it was said that people are now encouraged to take a bottle opener with them and never drink from a container that is already open. It is too easy to slip drugs into a drink at a party, and you should be especially careful if you don’t really know the people handing out the drinks. Too many young women are being drugged without their knowledge.

One of the new drugs cannot be tasted and can put you into a coma. One young woman showed up at the emergency room in a coma. She had been somewhere, drunk what she thought was a simple Mountain Dew and ended up in a coma. My advice is to never go to a party where you don’t know the people well and only drink a drink that you have opened. Those were my rules for my kids. DEAR SAFE >> I agree that safety is paramount, and I’m printing your letter here to endorse that point. However, I stand by my advice that “Murky Waters” ought not to dismiss her best friend’s new friends out of hand, even if she doesn’t want to go out to parties with them. We could all stand to be less judgmental.