John Kelly is running a tight ship

Since taking over as chief of staff, he has been taking steps to streamline communication to Trumps’s desk.

Every few days without fail, in some publication or another, an article appears that runs roughly along the following lines: Previously in the White House, things were in disarray, but now retired general John Kelly is putting an end to all that. To save whoever is next due to write this the trouble of having to go out and get the same quotes all over again, I have gone ahead and written it for him or her. Take the day off, please.

John Kelly is imposing military discipline, and the alarming thing you did not know was happening but that apparently happened every day will not happen any more, probably (but then again it might).

Since taking over as chief of staff, retired Marine general John F. Kelly has been taking steps to streamline the flow of communication to the president’s desk. Now, visitors will come to the front door and very soberly hand Donald Trump a printout from a list of real websites, instead of the way Trump used to get his information, from Stephen K. Bannon crawling in through the air vent in his pajamas to rant at length about a creepy dream he had.

General Kelly is in charge, and that will not happen any more.

Also, all the bats have been removed. In the military, General Kelly was not accustomed to having bats flying everywhere, and so he has taken important steps to let members of the administration accustomed to flapping blithely into the Oval Office and hanging upside-down during meetings know that now, the White House will be run with professionalism.

Whereas previously the door to the Oval Office was always open, and at one point President Trump earnestly received a briefing from what turned out to be a brown paper sack of dog feces that someone had lit on fire and left at the door as a prank, mistaking it for a trusted adviser, that will not happen any more.

The Resolute Desk is no longer covered with a black, oily substance that burns anyone who touches it.

With General Kelly in charge, the General is asserting control over exactly what information the president sees. Ivanka Trump will no longer telecommute to meetings late from a bathtub full of rubies and costly oils. Nor will Donald Trump any longer receive crude, racist drawings on napkins and attempt to transform them into policy. Under General Kelly’s watchful eye, there will be no more news from InfoWars.Net.Web.DismantleTheBilderbergs.XXX.

Whereas the White House used to be a chaotic workplace full of competing power centers, now it is an orderly workplace full of competing power centers, and aides must fight with pool cues or sticks of a regulation length, not the crude sharpened stakes to which they resorted under former chief of staff Reince Preibus. General Kelly runs a well-oiled machine.

While previously all decisions were made by having Jared Kushner and Bannon butt heads and bellow at one another on a high, narrow pass, under General Kelly, that has been suspended.

Some are frustrated by his unwillingness to express policy preferences. Asked if he thought a preemptive nuclear strike was ever a good idea, General Kelly just blinked slowly, like a lizard, and straightened some papers that were in front of him.

General Kelly’s new policy is already bearing fruit. For instance, now when Donald Trump states a fact that he thinks to be the case, the studiously apolitical chief of staff will ask, “Sir, are you sure that is a fact? Are you sure that isn’t some text you read on Twitter on top of a picture of a cartoon frog?” After he asks that question, he will allow Donald Trump to make his own decision. But there is a process. That is the important thing.

The paranoid welter of former reality-TV stars, conspiracy theorists and wicker men full of angry hornets who previously supplied Donald Trump with all his news now are only allowed to communicate with him via Twitter, text or talking to him through the television. But his office door is shut to them.

General Kelly has, reportedly, been imposing this discipline for months, and I am sure we will see the effects any day now.