Reader unsure about moving to same city as boyfriend

Dear Annie: I moved from the city to the country about 20 years ago, and now that my husband is deceased, I plan to return to an urban environment.

I have spent many hours researching different locations, including using the internet and driving through neighborhoods, and I believe I’ve found a centrally located area that is upscale but affordable. Basically, almost everything I’m looking for is at this location.

The problem is that in the past year, I have been dating a guy who also lives in that area. I am in love with him, and I’ve told him so — even though I’m sure I will never hear those words from him, simply because of his nature. But he calls me every night, and we see each other once a week, so I know that he is fond of me. The reason I told him I love him is that over the past few months, he has developed an illness that is going to result in a rather complicated surgery.

I felt that he should know how I feel, and I knew I would regret not having told him if something should happen. I am 65, and he is 70.

Truthfully, I could search around a different city and find a similar location with the same amenities. I am not religious, and I am very conscious of the limited time that we both have here on this earth.

How do I know whether I’m moving there for him or I’m moving there for me?

Moving Motivations Dear Moving: You don’t need a polygraph to figure out whether you’re lying to yourself. You just need your heart and a willingness to listen to it. So take this twoquestion test.

1) Would you still move to this town if this man didn’t live there? 2) How would you feel if you two broke up six months from now — committed to building a life on your own in your new town or inclined to pack up and move elsewhere?

Be deeply honest in this self-evaluation and you’ll make the decision that’s right for you. Fudge the answers and you’ll only be cheating yourself.