The Register Citizen (Torrington, CT)
Giant problems for Big Blue
Everyone has their personal demons. Mine are potato chips. I’m a fullfledged addict. It’s a $30 a month habit. Serious business. That money could be used to purchase threequarters of a tank of gas. Or two waffle cone sundaes at Cold Stone.
Anyway, the annual Lays’ flavor contest is one of my favorite times of the year. Regular folks submit their own flavor ideas, a few are chosen for production and shipped to stores, the public votes and the winner get $1 million.
This year they selected three options, two of which aren’t bad.
Crispy Taco is, of course, delicious and a no-brainer to win, especially given the competition. The Fried Green Tomato flavor is actually quite good, a pleasant surprise, but that name has no appeal outside of Southern aristocrats. And feel free to skip the Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese kettle chips. You can recreate this concoction by chewing on cardboard.
My suggestion once again wound up on the cutting room floor. The dull collection of unrefined palates at Frito-Lay fails to see the potential of Italian Beef Braciole flavored chips.
The offense has mustered a grand total of 13 points in eight quarters of football.
The only real offensive asset, Odell Beckham, hasn’t fully recovered from a preseason injury.
The offensive line has the mobility of five orange parking cones.
The running backs have been so ineffective fans are genuinely excited there might be more carries for a guy named Orleans Darkwa.
Head coach Ben McAdoo seems in over his head as head coach AND as offensive coordinator.
And Eli Manning would probably save himself much time and aggravation from the inevitable by simply taking snaps while lying on his back.
Other than that, things are going just fine for the New York Giants.
Mike Francesa, bloviating on WFAN, openly wondered why no one ever brought up the issue of more safety netting at MLB parks until this season. Never mind that baseball recommended parks extend the nets two years ago after several fans were injured by line drives. The topic had never once been broached his show, so clearly it wasn’t being discussed anywhere else in the universe.
He also declared he’s long attended games and never seen anyone get hit with a line drive, so this obviously wasn’t a problem before. Mike still plans to retire in three months — as long as he can fit his giant head and sense of self-importance through the exit door.
You’re getting old if you require 10 minutes of stretching when the kids break out Twister.
Hurricanes that have devastated the Caribbean forced the annual Paradise Jam men’s basketball tournament in the U.S. Virgin Islands to find a new home on the mainland U.S. Quinnipiac is in this year’s field. All eight participating teams were offered a chance to bid for the rights to play host to the Nov. 17-20 event. A new site will be announced by the end of the month.
A sure sign summer’s over: college hockey’s regular season begins next weekend. This weather is merely a ruse.
Quinnipiac should contend for the ECAC Hockey championship this season, a veteran defensive team with arguably the top two goaltenders in the league. Yale probably won’t get much love in the league preseason poll, to be released on Monday. There are too many unknown factors for a team coming off a mediocre season. But the Bulldogs could be a top 4 team, especially since Keith Allain is still coaching, right up until the start of the Winter Olympics on Feb. 9.
It was only a preseason game, but exciting to see Yale grad Kenny Agostino score the overtime winner for the Bruins against Flyers goalie Alex Lyon on Thursday night.
Shredded lettuce is the bane of the modern delicatessen.
Scott Burrell brings his Southern Connecticut State basketball team to Syracuse for an exhibition on Nov. 6. A nice touch considering Joey Wallace, a junior guard at Southern, is the son of former Orange star John Wallace.
Cheshire’s Brad Ausmus is finished after four seasons managing the Detroit Tigers. The team won’t renew his contract. It was a tough spot for Ausmus, who had no managerial experience when hired to replace one of the game’s best in Jim Leyland after the 2013 season.
Word is he was loved by the players — not surprising considering Ausmus’ long MLB career. Yet Detroit, after a playoff berth in 2014, is about to finish in last place for the second time in three years.
There’s already chatter about the Jets’ losing on purpose to secure the No. 1 pick in next year’s NFL Draft. So how much longer before the top college quarterback prospect starts tanking to avoid being drafted by the Jets?
Other flavor suggestions for the Lays’ contest: Bacon (how is this not already in mass production?) Sweet and sour chicken (only you’d be hungry again in an hour.) Panfried pork chops with vinegar peppers (never fails to be delicious.)