Teen has trouble with mom

Dear Annie: I am a 13-yearold girl in Montreal. I go to a private high-tech school with nice friends and teachers. I have divorced parents and an elder brother, “Edward.”

My mom and I spend quality time together pretty often. We go out and have fun, and she buys me things. The thing is that she does these nice things — such as taking me for ice cream or shopping — and then uses them against me later. She also says I’m rude when I’m just doing my thing. I am sick and tired of having my mom use the fun times and activities we do as leverage to make me feel bad. Why does she do these things?

Also, my mom tells me not to bully Edward, when he lies more than I do and starts the problems. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her the truth.

Please help me; I have no one else to turn to. I do believe this could help others with the same problem who are afraid to speak up.

Dear Lost and Unloved: Though we do our best as parents, we’re not perfect, and sometimes we don’t realize the impact of our words. The next time you and Mom are out, tell her how much you enjoy the time. Then explain that you’re anxious about doing these outings together because you’re afraid she’ll bring the memories up in a negative context.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “First-Time Heart Patient.” I’m not a physician, but I’m a retired open-heart surgery nurse who specialized in critical care. I want to assure “First-Time Heart Patient” that it sounds as if he received excellent care. Apparently, the doctors thought his situation was so critical that rather than discharge him from the hospital, they sent him for cardiac intervention as soon as it could be coordinated. Perhaps he was too overwhelmed or too ill at the time to remember the nurses explaining the medication to him, or perhaps the meds had to be given very quickly to prevent further problems. However, it should all have been in the printed copy of his discharge instructions. Mended Hearts is a great support group for heart patients. He can check with his hospital to see whether this is available in his area. Good luck!

J.P.