Boyfriend wants to move in

Dear Annie: I liked the advice you gave about not moving in with a partner too soon in a relationship, but my situation is quite the opposite. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years (we are both in our late 20s), and it has recently come up that he would not consider marrying someone unless he has lived with the person for a minimum of a year.

I would like to wait until marriage; I like the idea of building a home and starting a new chapter of life together as a married couple.

I want my future husband to carry me across the threshold of our new home together and not into a home and life we’ve already been sharing. I also like the idea of having my own space until I’m ready to turn it into “our space,” which I think should come along with the “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” commitment of marriage.

I understand his thoughts on the subject (see whether it works before you commit), but we spend six nights a week together already, so there isn’t anything new we would learn about each other by living together.

We’ve already figured out who makes the coffee versus who makes the bed and those kinds of daily lifestyle arrangements. We basically do live together.

We just keep our belongings in separate places.

We are very compatible, but is this a deal breaker?

I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to stay in a relationship that has no potential for a future. Should I wait it out? Walk away? Is there a compromise?

Don’t Want to Be Roommates Dear Don’t Want to Be Roommates: If you’re both set on the same destination, there’s no sense in breaking up over the route. But make certain you do in fact agree on that destination. Ask him how he feels about marriage, with open-ended questions, not leading ones.

You want him to feel comfortable being honest now so you can save yourself trouble later. If he’s serious about cohabitation as a steppingstone, then propose a compromise.

You’ll move in together after you’re engaged.

If you can afford to move in to a new place (rather than either of your current apartments), it might help establish that newchapter feel.