Friend wants to help hoarder

Dear Annie: A close friend, “Jenna,” has a mental illness: She hoards. I can start tracing this behavior back to when she first became a mother and discovered that raising children requires more than just buying them new clothes and getting pictures taken. Fortunately, her mother lived next door and helped out a lot . But then her mother died, and Jenna’s personality began to change even more. Her life has continued spiraling downward. Her house is a disaster, with holes in the walls that let the outside air in, mice, snakes and cat urine and feces everywhere because the litter box never gets changed.

She’s met a man who lives out of state. He will never be invited to her home, yet she’s talking of marrying him and moving. Her kids are well-adjusted to their hometown. These kids don’t want to move, but with her illness, she can only think of herself. Others close to her need to know how to help her.

Stressed Out in Middle America

Dear Stressed Out: Start with Jenna. Express your concerns about her mental health, and encourage her to seek professional counseling. Then expand to her circle of family and close friends. Visit the International OCD Foundation’s hoarding website at https://hoarding. iocdf.org for more resources. Dear Annie: I read your column every day. I’ve never sent a letter, but I had to respond to “Ex In or Ex Out.” I married my second husband 29 wonderful years ago and met his ex a few months later at his daughter’s high school graduation. I was so pleased to find out how friendly and outgoing she was toward me. She wrote me a beautiful, kind, generous letter saying how happy she was with our marriage and how he deserved the best. From then on, she invited us to Christmas and Thanksgiving in Florida to stay with her and see the children. We each bonded as close friends from then on and have taken several trips together. I think of her as my best friend. The children and grandchildren were the important thing. I suggest that “Ex In or Ex Out’s” fiancee, “Beth,” grow up and think about what’s really important.

Friends With the Ex

Dear Friends With the Ex: Your example is a reminder that women can often find so much common ground if they just look for it. Thanks for sharing.