Family doesn’t get invitation

Dear Annie: Your help is needed to resolve a family problem. One of my granddaughters, “Mackenzie,” called to say she is getting married in a few weeks. This will be a small wedding, as she and her fiance do not have a lot of money. Only 45 guests are invited. Now the problem: Mackenzie is not inviting my son and daughter-in-law, as they do not have a close relationship and she has not seen them in two years. I was upset with the news; he is her uncle. She also said that she will not be notifying him to tell him and that if I want, I can call him to inform him. I understand this is her wedding, but this exclusion is really upsetting me. What does one do in this situation?

Angry in Connecticut

Dear Angry: As you said, this is your granddaughter’s wedding, so she can invite whomever she’d like. But she’s also in charge of informing family members that they’re not invited. Don’t let that fall to you.

That said, if the issue is truly just the expense and you have the means financially to help, you could offer that option to your granddaughter.

Dear Annie: I’m 64, so in six more years, I’ll be in my 70s. Writing from that perspective, I disagree with your advice. Telling people our age to “lose (themselves) in helping others” is a way of suggesting that our own interests don’t have value or validity.

The belief, often stated, that old people should putter around doing volunteer work and focus solely on helping others is selling us short. It’s like telling someone who’s dissatisfied with being a housewife and raising kids who are almost grown that she just needs to have more kids or adopt foster kids.

We could paint, draw or sculpt; write stories, novels, screenplays or memoirs; spend time with friends and family; hike and build our health.

None of these activities is focused on giving up on our own interests. Call me selfish if you will, but I’d like to go on living my own life for as long as I’m around. The notion that we need to lose ourselves in helping others suggests our lives aren’t fun anymore or aren’t worth living. A strange attitude, in my estimation. Sarah M.

Dear Sarah M.: I’m printing your letter because you make a great point.