Spouse making eyes at others

Dear Annie: I have a very unusual problem: I am not able to stop looking at men sexually.

A lot of the times, I don’t remember even looking; my husband points it out to me. I wink and look at them below the belt to get them to hit on me, and I get turned on by this. I ignore my husband and tune him out.

It has to stop. My husband has been very patient with me over the years and has tried to help me with this but now has given up on me. I feel worthless and often don’t want to live anymore. I have hurt him so badly that I can never be forgiven. He can never trust me again. He is afraid to go anywhere with me, not knowing what I’ll do next.

Desperate in Montana

Dear Desperate: You’ve tried therapy before, and now it is time to try again. Do not hesitate to ask your primary care doctor for other recommendations. Lastly, I must implore you not to hurt yourself — and if you feel that you might, call 911 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255).

Dear Annie: I read the column about “Jenna,” who is a hoarder, and how terrible the conditions of her house have become. At first, I had nothing but sympathy for that situation, but I thought about how the letter mentioned that this woman has two nearly grown kids. It is difficult for me to fathom how these teenage children, despite their mother’s problems, haven’t learned how to clear the table, wash the dishes, clean the litter box, put out some pest poison, do the laundry or sweep out the feces. This is what I have a problem with. I learned how to do chores when I was 7 years old. On my own, I learned to help my mother do things. I’m sorry I am not more sympathetic, but for these conditions to exist even with teenage children, I just don’t understand it.

James

Dear James: You cannot expect children who grow up in a hoarder home to develop good housekeeping skills. Hoarders tend to hold tightly to a sense of control over their surroundings. (Never mind how out of control the situation.) It’s very possible that these children have tried cleaning up their home but were met with Mom’s resistance. So though I commend you for helping out around the house as a child, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge these kids.