A man’s loss touches readers

Dear Annie: I am asking you to reprint your column with the letter from “Neil,” who lost his wife to cancer. I am giving my copy to my brother-in-law, as he lost his wife, my sister, to glioblastoma, a type of brain cancer, Nov. 1.

Kansas Karol

Dear Kansas Karol: I’m so sorry for your loss. Many were touched by Neil’s letter. Here it is.

Dear Annie: In late August, I lost the most important person in my life to inoperable pancreatic cancer. My wife was diagnosed in June 2014, and despite the fact that the cancer spread to three additional organs, she fought back. This amazing woman refused to let the cancer win. She went on with her life, and even though she received chemo and radiation therapy on a regular basis, as well as numerous medications, she refused to give in.

I drove her to every doctor’s appointment and every radiation and chemotherapy appointment. However, after two-plus years, her fragile body could fight no longer, and she died in my arms.

The reason I am writing to you is that I am a total mess. Friends and family are calling me to come to dinner. I don’t want to be around people as I grieve; I prefer to be alone all of the time. Our house is just as it was on the day she died because I simply can’t part with her things at this time. Yet seeing these things sends me into pain and sobbing sessions that may last for hours. I have completely lost faith in everything, and I don’t trust professionals. I have joined several grief support groups, but I do not find solace in them yet.

She was my best friend, my soul mate and my only love. Without her, I feel empty and incomplete. Although people keep telling me that things eventually will get better, I have my doubts. I am trying to take care of myself and to do the things I believe she would want me to do if she were still alive. The only thing I really have difficulty doing is sleeping.

Neil

Dear Neil: I know that nothing I say can reduce the enormity of your loss. Still, I must say, with all of my heart, that I am so sorry for your loss. Be patient with yourself and permit yourself to grieve as long and as deeply as you need.