Reader shunned by siblings

Dear Annie: I am a middle child with two elder brothers, a younger sister and a younger brother. They all get together and have dinner and movie dates or hang out with one another. I am always excluded. No phone call or text. They have been rude and unwelcoming for more than 15 years now. No idea why. I have finally told them that I think they have treated me poorly and I don’t consider them brothers. It has truly broken my heart. How do I let go?

Pushed Away

Dear Pushed Away: Before you let go, let out your feelings. I know you mentioned that you told them what you think — but was it in an angry and hurt way or in an honest and gentle way? You don’t get to choose your family, but you only get one, so I am all for trying to work out your differences. Feeling excluded never feels good. Seek out the help of a professional family therapist who can resolve this sibling misunderstanding. Dear Annie: Your column about the gossiping in-laws struck a chord with us. Some folks resort to backbiting and malicious gossip for vicarious excitement and because they don’t have positive self-images. My sister-in-law falls into that category.

For many years, she seemed like a sister to me — only I eventually found out the ugly rumors she had spread, about me and many others. She even tried to break up my marriage by saying I’d had affairs all over the world while on business.

I avoided her for several years but then confronted her directly in private during a family visit. She cried and cried, apologized and said she was ashamed. We will never be close, but because she has advanced cancer, I have forgiven her.

Malicious gossip is a stealthy type of bullying. I liked your advice to “Betrayed,” Annie, but direct confrontation shames the individual and puts the power back where it belongs. One would be better off without them all than walking on eggshells.

Thanks for all you do.

Florida Villages Reader

Dear Florida Villages Reader: You make a great point. Perhaps it would be more effective for “Betrayed” to confront her in-laws than for her husband to talk to them. Bullies must be held accountable. Thank you for your insight.