Young woman longs for independence from her family

Dear Annie: I feel that my family is toxic for me. My grandfather, aunts and uncles have raised me since I was 3 years old. I do not know where my father is, and my mother is not supporting me.

My grandfather is the one who pays to send me to school, but in exchange for that, he treats me poorly. He asks me to do a lot of chores, such as turning on the TV for him, making coffee, cleaning his room and more. I feel as if I’m supposed to be a maid.

Additionally, he scolds me if I cannot answer his phone calls or if I do something that he doesn’t want me to do, such as going out with friends.

Even my uncles now treat me as if I owe them baby-sitting services. They call me all the time to be at their houses just to watch over their kids, even though they have maids at home. If I don’t comply, they get angry. They seem to want me to be brainless. They have always commented on what I should do with my life, too.

For the 17 years that I’ve been with them, I’ve never felt that I am truly loved, because true love does not need anything in return. Yes, they did help me in my studies. But I never had my freedom, and I never made decisions for myself. They are so toxic.

Now that I am graduating, I want to find work that suits me and to be free. I want to be alone and decide things for myself. What can I do as a career for the rest of my life? Longing to Break Free

Dear Longing to Break

Free: Making coffee and doing some light cleaning in exchange for room, board and tuition — that’s not a bad deal. That being said, your wish for independence is healthy. Start making plans now, as graduation will be here before you know it. See your school’s career counseling department for help building a resume and finding job leads. Additionally, sign up for job hunting sites, such as Indeed, LinkedIn and CareerBuilder. Or consider more outside-the-box ways to get new experiences, such as working with World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms (known as WWOOFing).

It’s time to stretch those wings and prepare to leave the nest. The distance might have a way of improving your relationships.