Son’s ex-wife blocks grandma

Dear Annie: My son recently divorced the mother of his two children. My former daughterin-law has decided to unfriend me on Facebook and talk negatively about me. I would like to still be able to show my friends pictures of my grandchildren from her Facebook page. I am very sorry that their marriage did not endure. I have not treated her negatively. Do you have any suggestions that would help me reconnect with her?

Blocked Out

Dear Blocked Out: The divorce was recent, and the wounds are fresh. When she speaks negatively about you, that’s probably her pain talking. Rather than call, text or email, take a gentler, less invasive approach: Write a letter. Tell her exactly what you told me. Once she has had some time to heal, she may be better able to see the benefits of having you in her children’s lives. Dear Annie: I agree that “Distressed in Utah” should set boundaries for family members regarding what she will do in retirement. I can speak to the importance of this as someone who has guarded my free time in retirement. Many family members and friends assume that the newly retired person will have nothing to do and will be bored and lonely. Most of us retirees have hobbies and activities that keep us occupied, and we feel confident enough to treat ourselves to the luxury of sleeping in if we want to.

I love my family members, but I am determined to maintain those boundaries and protect my ability to finally live a life I choose. I want to be a grandmother, not a baby sitter.

I assume this woman’s children think she will be bored and lonely, and they probably like the idea of having the grandchildren with someone they can trust without question. But that doesn’t mean Grandma should give up her long-anticipated freedom. And if Grandma’s husband, who wants her to be a full-time servant to his elderly father, believes that his father’s having care is so important, perhaps he should quit his job instead and take care of his own father. I’m guessing her husband would be more than happy to pay for a housekeeper or order Meals on Wheels if faced with that option. After being retired for a while, if “Distressed” feels she’d like to spend a day a week with her grandchildren, she could offer that option to her kids .

Love Being Retired

Dear Love Being Retired: Beautifully said. Bravo for boundaries!

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.